The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
hi. i don't know much about doing this but i really need help. i have hit a bottom with my fear and i cant take it anymore. i cannot turn my will over to God, I am so afraid of life. If i let go of what my partner is doing, he will hurt me, we will end and my life will be over. i have been living with this for so long i don't even know where to begin. i have not yet been to alanon, but i need you. please help.
Hey, I can sympathise. Even though youre feeling really low just now there is life outside this situation. It sounds as though you need to re-build your confidence and your support network. You've already taken the first step to improving this by joining up and asking for help.
It's hard to do as we all know. It's been a long time since I've been to Alanon. I wasn't ready to talk about my experiences for a long time, so I thought I'd join up here online first and see how I felt about that first before going to a meeting. We're both here now and hopefully we can all support each other and learn from each others experiences.
I don't even know if I believe there is a God anymore but I do believe people can survive living with an alcoholic. Its important for you to know that you arent alone in going through this.
Make sure you aren't ignoring your own emotional needs.
Are you saying that you fear for your personal safety? are there any children involved? If there is a danger of anyone being hurt, that would be the first priority.... we would all want you to be safe.
That's the nastiest of places to be. I'm glad I'm no longer there and not glad that you are. I use to say I cannot until my sponsor helped me to understand and change...it wasn't that I could not it was that I wouldn't. I was too afraid and to confused to try and would not try. I had to learn to do it. I had to learn that there was no perfect way to do it. I had to learn to just surrender myself completely and just sincerely pray, "please help me. please take this from me" (without perfectly describing what "this" means) HP knows what "this" means to me and when I just asked it happened...I learned to let go and let the God of my understanding take over. It took time and I still practice it.
Second thing? get to the one place you haven't been to yet. Things change when we do something different. Do something different as soon as you can; get to Al-Anon meetings as often as you can for the next 90 days. You will meet people there who have been where you are at now and are no longer afraid of everything in life including their alcoholics or addicts or the disease of addiction.
The hotline number for Al-Anon should be in your local phone book. If you haven't looked yet go now. That is one of the many things you "can" do.
Keep coming back here often and welcome. (((((hugs)))))
(We use ((((((((( )))))))))) here to mean hugs. Sounds like you could maybe use some.)
You don't have to do it all at once, and you don't even have to see all of the future things you may do in order to start with very tiny, baby steps. I know you are afraid. We are here, and we are pulling for you. Some of the people here have been in situations very similar to yours, and I bet you will hear from some of them.
If you're in the USA, go to ndvh.com and check out what they have to say about domestic violence. This doesn't commit you to doing anything - it's just gathering information. If what their site says sounds like you, call them at 1-800-799-7233. They answer almost 20 thousand calls a MONTH from people just like you and their friends and family. It's anonymous and confidential. Again, you're just gathering information - it's a way to start taking those baby steps.
Know that it is absolutely not your fault. Really. No matter what he says. Hurting another person is never okay. There might be all kinds of reasons in his past WHY he does it, but that doesn't make it okay and it doesn't mean you have to live like that. It's not your job to fix him - but it IS your job to fix you. If you have kids, the very best gift you could give them is a mommy that takes care of herself by showing them a healthier way to be.
Jerry's idea of getting to a meeting is a great one. Each meeting kinda has its own flavor, so try more than one if you can. If the idea of going to a meeting is too scary, start with a baby step by coming to some online - there are meetings every day in the chat room right on this site, or you can check out the online alanon information service at ola-is.org
In the red menu bar there's a "search" item and you can use that to search for old posts - just take some of the phrases from your own post and search for them, see what comes up. You may find just what you need to hear.
You have already done a terrifically brave thing by coming here and asking for help - and it turns out asking for help is one of the most powerful recovery tools there is. Keep coming back. I don't understand it, but it really does work when you work it.
