The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am new here and I am jumping in with both feet as I am stuck with a drinking hubby that is only getting worse and worse. He hears me, but says nothing in return. I am getting very lonely and keep busy with my work and family.
We just dont spend time together anymore. When I ask him to watch a show with me, he watches but keeps falling asleep as he cracks open too many cans before he can sit down.
He still works full time but his days off are just for drinking and playing with his mates golf etc..and drinking of course at the local bar for several hours every night then continuing at home.
I have experienced the frustration and disgust now...trying to help save my husband from this disease and my marriage of over 40 years. What to do? I think this is the first step coming here.
I know it isn't what you want to hear, but you can't save your husband from this disease. I sure wish we could. What you can do is keep coming back here and keep reading and sharing. It helps to share with people who understand and won't judge or tell you what to do.
The other thing you can do is look for a face2face meeting inyour area. There you can get liturature and real hugs from those who have been where you are.
Keep coming back.
In recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
Susun, welcome to Alanon, have you been to Alanon meetings? You asked if you can save him, you can't. You can only take care of you and make decisions for your life. Picture your life the way you want it and work towards that. Yes it can be a lonely life being with an A, if you let it. Start living your life. Use the tools of Alanon. Learn the tools of detachment. Keep coming back, this program works if you work it. Luv, Bettina
As you've learned, you can't save him. In fact, if you are anything like most of us, some of your efforts to fix things have backfired and made worse problems than if you had just left it alone.
First lesson of alanon are the 3 Cs - you didn't Cause it, you can't Control it, and you can't Cure it. You have about as much control over your husband's Alcoholism as you do over whether or not it will rain. And, just as you don't lay awake at night wondering how to make those thunderclouds go away, you can set down the burden of trying to make him stop, or slow down, or behave better, or whatever it is you want. It's just not your job.
Your job is YOU. When it rains, do you stand out in it, miserable? Do you go inside? Do you get a raincoat? Do you curse the weather gods? Alanon tools are your raincoat, protecting you from the worst effects of the disease while you decide if you'd really just rather get away from this dang rainy climate altogether and move to Arizona.
Welcome - go to meetings, read our literature, come here and chat and read old posts on the boards. You will start to understand the alanon way - simply put: stop blaming the alcoholic and start living your own life. Easier said than done, but all of us have been there (are there still) and can show you the paths that we have taken.
Welcome to the MIP family. I am so sorry you are going through this. It is incredibly hard to watch someone you love waste away and there is nothing you can do about it. None of this is your fault by the way. Unfortunately the only person who can do anything about it is your husband.
What you can do is to realize that you are not alone in this. If you can find some local face to face meetings, it will be very helpful. You will find a fellowship there that is very important for you. You have to start taking care of you and your recovery. You have been affected by this disease for a very long time. You have taken the right step by coming here. You will find that Alanon will give you the tools neccessary to take care of you. It may seem daunting at first. Hang in there. Alanon saves lives. You will be okay. Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty <-- the cat
-- Edited by Karilynn at 12:08, 2008-06-27
__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
A BIG THANK YOU TO ALL OF YOU! Wow! Such Support! I guess by now you can all see that I am so new to this "healing" piece. Although I have lived with the incurable disease for at least 2 decades if not more. That's why I am typing this in "green." Thank you all so much again. I will certainly be back often to learn from you all and heal myself along the way. Already I feel my future looks brighter. The face to face part does not appeal to me somehow...
