The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Ok, I'm looking to pick the brains of all you oldtimers out there. I am now a sponsor for the first time. I have a sponsor of my own, but its always been a real loose relationship, no schedule for contact or anything. So I'm just looking for any pointers you all may have to help me get started off on the right foot.
I am excited and a bit scared at the same time. I have a terrible habit of second guessing myself. LOL I'm so glad I have you all for support. My town has a serious lack of oldtimers, like, right now I think I'm the only Al-Anon sponsor, and I only have 2 years. Aahh!
So what does your sponsor/sponsee relationship look like? What really hasn't worked?
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
Scary!! Relax...nothings perfect and this won't be either.
Learn that there is a difference twix helping and enabling and that you are just learning about being helpful...the other one you know tons about. Don't enable as best you can. She does HER work you do YOURS. You are a sponsor not a hostage taker so no looking for places to keep the sponsee under your undivided focus. You're both human and not perfect and you discovered it first so stay with humility...being teachable. Keep the relationship in balance. The person you are sponsoring is coming from the very same place you came from...illness a disease. Don't place trust where it is undue and kill all expectations. This helps me detach from hurt, frustration and resentments. If you are still taking things that people do or don't do personal stop now and work this out with your sponsor or don't sponsor till you get control of it. A sponsee can be as crazy or more crazy than the alcoholic/addicrt at times. Remember you have a Higher Power and like the relationship with your addict or alcoholic you are not a Higher Power...just an instrument of your HP's peace and will. "Practice what you give away." When you don't everyone can see it even a sponsee. Anonymity is so very important to the sponsor/sponsee relationship. For me it is most important that the atmosphere of safety and security be intact. I need to be trusted and trustful or I need to be quiet. You can't give away what you don't have. Don't suggest that someone else do or try something that you don't have experience with. Luck is not founded in experience. Don't trust another members recovery to luck.
I'm still learning so I want to read what others suggest.
Great post!! Your recovery starts to grow!! (((((hugs)))))
I have a pretty good handle on the not taking it personal thing. The control thing I will work very hard on. I ran into someone very early in recovery who tried to control me and I do not want to do that to my sponsee. Besides, I love to watch growth in others. If I am in control, they are not growing. I will also work on boundaries.
Again thank you.
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
The most wonderful privilege of all. Probably the most work you'll ever do. Suggestions read as follows: Be flexible, use boundaries, listen more than talk, be patient, be kind, be gentle...and those are just towards yourself...the rest comes through prayers and working the program. You can't give what you don't have, be willing to say I don't have that answer. Congratulations and good luck. As for the new sponsee, just take it one day at a time.
