The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Last night XDIL drove 100 miles to get my A Son from his "new home" with a coked up girl that he has known for 2 days. A son wouldn't go with her. DIL drove home. ASon called today and she went back to pick him up. They called me at work, both of them yelling. He screaming that he can't stay with her and she's yelling that she is going to drop him in the street. Then she called and asked if I would like to come over tonight. I said no. I don't know how the saga of the day ended because my phones are not only off, but covered with tee shirts so I can't see if they light up. What a way to live. We might miss an important call, but I can't take a chance. Too many nights have been spent on the phone begging him to pull over as he drove around drunk, or running to help her as he ranted and raged. No More. But I do feel pretty awful tonight. I am acting detached, but I will never feel detached. He is my child. I know I am powerless but it is hard not to be able to help your child. Laura
It is very hard, sometimes, to do the right things. I wanted to take a second and let you know how courageously you are dealing with your son's behavior. It may not be today, tomorrow, or next week, but your in-actions (unreacting) may be the beginning of his journey. Keep healing yourself and getting to meetings!
much love in recovery, cj
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
You just can't fix it and it is so hard. I know telling you that you are doing the right thing is not making it any easier. It is your child and we all know how much harder it is to detach from our children than with a SO. Looking from the outside in I can see that you are doing the right thing. I would just hope that I could do it too.
Feeding into their chaos is only bringing you down. I know with my A son he always wants to bring me in to any problems he has. It is just what he has always done. I guess because I have always tried to fix things for him. I am getting much better staying out of his business.
My thoughts and prayers for your peace and your son's are with you.
Why don't you block his and XDIL numbers for awhile.
There are times in our journeys with our adult children when nothing seems to work. You are at that point, it seems. I, too, have been there. In fact, arriving at that place seems to be a repeat journey so often. We just don't know when chaos will erupt...and the phone is the most common way. No one can deal with an intoxicated person. We may love that person so much that we would sacrifice our own lives to make it and him/her better...whole and healthy. We do, in fact, sacrifice the quality of our lives so much that we often are the ones who become sick. Nothing can take away the love you have for your son...absolutely nothing. But he seems to be at the point where love of anyone will not save him at this critical point. Add to this the explosive relationship he is in with his EX and the makings are there for bigger problems for you. I certainly have no answers nor do those other beseiged parents of alcoholic adult children who visit this site. We all freely admit that. But I do want to encourage you to stay strong as you can, continue to remove yourself from the line of fire. You are already wounded and you will need to heal and strengthen as you work your way through this latest crisis. Who knows what is in store of this beloved son of yours? I am not understanding if he is still out of state or if he has now returned to your area? It appears that is the case. But see, having him physically closer to you doesn't make it any easier than when you were so troubled about him being thousands of miles away (if I have that correct?). You are in my thoughts and prayers this day. Hang on and hang on tighter to your HP and trust that the powers of the spiritual will somehow guide and direct your son to higher ground. Perhaps this is the bottom of his spiral. We can never know but can only hope and pray for relief and some kind of positive. It is so hard....so hard.
