The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I want to introduce myself. I am new to the board and new to all of what is going on in my life right now. I am married to an addict. I have tried to leave him, but we all know how hard it is. I just found out that he was using in January, so this is all VERY new to me. I just need to find someone who understands what I am going through and who has been where I am now, and who will inspire me to get to that point of self worth again. From reading some of the postings I fee I have found that place.
Good for you taking care of yourself. No one but no one here is going to coulda woulda shoulda you about when and if you should leave or whether you need to leave. Some of us spend a lot of time leaving, some people stay and make something work for themselves. None of us can judge that. We don't Judge here we give ESH. My ESH is that I did leave after a long long time. Leaving was hard, staying was harder. Having left my life is not a pretty picture, its pretty hard going. I am in therapy (pretty intense therapy for me), in recovery, struggling on many levels. The A was one small part of the picture. Yes sure it is easier without him but I have my issues and right now only a few of them are about him. I have no contact with him anymore, he calls I don't answer. That certainly was not the case for a long time so I for one am not one to tell anyone how to, when to, or that leaving is the only answer. Leaving was part of the answer for me but its not the be all and end all to my problems. I was codependent before I met him and I'm certainly codependent now. I have health problems, finance problems, logistics problems, isolation problems now I had them all then. I no longer have the kind of chaos to deal with I once did. Nevertheless I have lots and lots of problems belive me. I just have the al anon tools to deal with them. Maresie.
Thank you for your reply. I am finally starting to ME first, whether I decide to stay with him or leave him. I am just starting therapy, going to meetings. I am looking towards the future for me. I hope he is willing to do the hard work, but if not I know with the help of others and the tools I hope to learn here I will be just fine.
Hello Jasmine , welcome to mip -- I hope u will find meetings for yurself quick u need support from those who have been where yur at . There is a prog called Naranon if u can't find one in your area please get to Al-Anon fast . Our prog will show u how to gt your life back on track and return your self esteem and self worth when u live with addiction we loose ourselves . Your not the reason he is drinking or drugging this isn't about you he has a prob and its not YOU . good luck Louise
Welcome Jasmine. Keep coming back, give it 6 months and if after that time this isn't for you we will gladly refund your misery. Find a sponsor that seems to have what you are looking for and ask them to sponsor you in the program. Be willing to continue finding courage to grow as you've shown here tonight in posting your first message. I found getting my hands on the Alanon approved literature and reading daily along with face to face and online meetings really helped me understand things in a new light. You deserve the peace, serenity and safety found in part through talking to others who have walked in your shoes before you.
Welcome to MIP Jasmine. In Alanon you will find meetings to share, tools to use, literature to read and alot of experience, strength, and hope. Keep coming back.
Welcome to MIP Jasmine! For my e, s, & H...i was one who chose to stay and I have learned to make the best of my situation. Using the tools I learned in alanon has been amazing. It helps me find peace and happiness.
You mentioned self worth. Let me tell you what I did. The first thing I did was find a hidden talent and develop it. Mine happend to be painting. I took some painting lessons called tole painiting and painted on wood. I foudn so many proejct I could make and find pride in my talent. I used them for therapy when I was upset and used them for gifts. I transferred teh talent to painting shirts and then appliqueing shirts.
Your talent may be cooking, writing, gardening, sewing, singing, crafts, musical instrument, etc. Find your talent and work on it. That will give you something to focus your mind on instead of the addict and it will give you something to be proud of about yourself and your abilities.
