The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've been in AlAnon for over 15 years, but at times this life I have chosen really gets me aggravated and frustrated.
My spouse of nearly 40 years is an active alcoholic. He's been through 4 rehabs and several detox over the years. He attends AA every Friday night and meets with his sponsor on Saturday. But during the week he drinks at least twice a week. The last few months the amount and frequency and the brazenness has increased. He's grouchy, argumentative, and has blackouts over his actions.
His favorite new trick is...go get a couple of pints when I go to work. I may be gone from 4 to 7 PM and come home to totally drunk-nearly-passed-out. Yesterday I came home from morning physical therapy..gone a little over an hour, and he was already drinking. Then he bought a bottle with me in the car....has not done that in years. Then I went to my AlAnon meeting last night and came home to a hole in the brand new bedroom door. (we bought 5 new birch interior doors and had them installed, stained and varnished...over $1200 for 5 and they have been up about 2 weeks.) I asked him what happened. He did not rememebr falling. But the hole is there and my best option seems to be to get a nice mirror and cover the hole. Crap. This is getting old.
I know from my alanon that i can't make him quit. I can't make him want to quit. Harping on the drinking does not help either of us. But i am getting so frustrated.
So sorry this is happening to you. It does stink when they relapse. I hear you about this getting old. It's getting old for me too and I haven't had to deal with this as long as you have. I don't know that I could. Sending you extra hugs and prayers.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Forty years?!!!!!!!!!! Ive been with the A 26 years and I don't plan to spend 20 more, with him. He has been sober for 11 days and he's not drinking, he's just so quiet and empty I don't think I want to go thru another chapter. With the A, its never an equal relationship. Yes, I have my own life and I don't focus on him, but I don't have a husband, he is unavailable, whether he is drinking or not. Don't you think we both have to face the hard reality of our lives?
(((afglin))) With 15 years in Al-Anon (I have 2years) I'm sure you know the ropes. It is no question in my mind that you already know, and also accept you have no control over your A. You absolutely know he is going to do crazy, stupid ,and insane things. Since we both know the disease is progressive he will probably continue to drink more, and with 40 years with your A, I feel sure you already knew that also. My wife is an active A, so I can somewhat relate to how you felt when you saw the hole in the new door. What you are though is human. You had every right to be frustrated, mad, angry, yell, scream, throw a book at him, and then punch another hole in the door. But, you didn't do any of those. Why, because we know now doing any of those things would not help in any way to change one single thing. It would only destroy our sernity. It helped me to read your post, because you almost looked at the situation with a grain of salt. As you stated all you wanted to do was vent. Congradulation, now that you have vented, you have my permission to go outside and punch the "sky" ten times, and I promise I will not tell anyone!!! RLC
Glad you were able to get to a meeting!! When I am near the edge a meeting always pulls me back into the solution.
I also know about doors--I had two to replace after my AH got sober. They aren't cheap!!
One of the many things that I love about Al-Anon is that we are given the dignity to make our own decisions and we are not judged for them. I was never told that I should leave or that I should stay--it was left to me to decide with the help of my HP. So, "just for today," I am married to my AH and I have decided to stay in this marriage. My hope is that I can stay in the solution and live "happy, joyous and free" today regardless of what my AH may do or not do. I hope that I can use my Al-Anon tools as well as you did!!
Yours in Recovery,
SLS
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Do not be anxious about tomorrow; tomorrow will look after itself. The Bible, from Courage to Change, p.138
I bought a nice mirror this morning. When he woke up I showed it to him and told him we'd put it up today since I was off. He said I'm not putting anything up right now. So here we sit. 2 PM. He got up long enough to go to breakfast with a freind and then back to watching TV. The mrror is not up yet and the hole is still in the door.
I knew better than to get on him about WHY he fell in the first place.
It's just so aggravating that we just spend about $250 for that beautiful door and now we have to cover it up.
Ironic thing...he had fallen into a different door a few months ago. That's why we bought the new doors in the first place.
Sigh.
thanks again for the replies and the prayers. Gonna get through this like I always do..head held up high.
it always amazes me how little tangible things matter to an A. My A son just abandons clothing, computers, TVs, telephones etc. It's just as if it falls away from him. It's like a wirlwind of breaking, smashing and leaving the mess. Their focus is just on one thing and we all know what that is. I am angry today when I think about all the 'stuff" and the terrible waste, not just of the stuff, but of his ability to have a life. Laura
