The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
After kicking my A husband out for the first time, and having him endure being "homeless" for a week, I let him come back home...one reason - his family.
Over the weekend, all of his sisters, mother and brother-n-laws did an "intervention" with him. They told him that if he didn't stop using alcohol/drugs, they would turn their backs on him, and they will stand by me to have him locked up... I don't know how successful interventions are, but I hope something good will come from this.
My H has been calling and crying to me and everybody. This time, people kept their doors closed to him, so he didn't have nowhere to go other than a homeless shelter. Today he starts a new drug rehab program. This time, he found this program on his own, without my help or assistance... After his brother-n-laws came down hard on him about being abusive and using, he admitted to me that he sees where he has been going wrong all along. I just hope its not all talk...only time will tell, but I am ridding him if he slips again.
His family came to my aide this time, which is why I felt better about working with him, because now he understands that he can't con me, nor anyone else, and HIS family will stand by me, and turn their backs against him because they are all tired of his problems.... They all feel that I am a good woman, actually the best woman he has ever had in his history of women, and they don't want to see us break apart...
Please pray for me. It was weird having him lie next to me last night. He held me hand and fell asleep. My sex drive is gone, and I'm just so skeptical...
Certainly hoping for the best for you.... One question - Did you and/or the Intervention make it crystal clear about the expectations, and subsequent consequences if he does NOT follow through on this program??
Hope it all works out for you....
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
I have no experience with interventions. But, I just wanted to suggest that you stay close to the fellowship at this time. I am reminded of my own A... whose understanding of what was actually wrong....flip-flopped on a regular basis. Just because he "gets it" today, doesn't mean he will tomorrow. So, prepare yourself for that.
The disease wants to destroy us. My experience is, once I began recovery, the disease kicked up a lot stronger. Sometimes, I did my own flip-flopping. I look at it as a spiritual war going on inside of us. That is why it is so important for me to stay with the fellowship, which helps to give me clarity.
You are doing a good job of taking care of him. I would've taken him back too. Make sure you take care of yourself too.... get to lots of meetings!!! "Meeting Makers make it!"
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
The consequences were very clear, if he doesn't comply, he has to leave, or be removed by police or go to jail. I and his family members made this very clear to him...he has no more chances...
I did something for myself this weekend to relieve the stress. I love to go dancing, so I went to a disco club and partied for 8 hours (yikes)... This club is all about dance. They don't sell alcoholic beverages, just water, gatorade and Red Bull... it's all clean fun.
I felt rejuvenated and happy (and a little sore from dancing), but I felt good! I am going to spend more time doing things that make me happy... I will post my progress here as I have found peace and clarity at this forum...
I am bracing myself in case he fails, which i strongly feel he will...
(((jaysbaby))) Sounds life life is better for you. It's is very good to have the support of family members. I know you are thankful for that. You sat boundaries, and you plan to stick to them. You have a plan.You are taking care of yourself. That's a lot of accomplishments in less than a week. I for one am very proud of you. In "glad lee's" post she stated, "Take care of yourself,get to a lot of meetings!!! Meeting Makers Make It". As you know from my earlier posts to you I agree with that statment 100%. MIP, Family Support, and f2f meetings are three pieces of the puzzle. You have two. I hope you will add the third piece soon. You deserve it. RLC
Hope things go well for you, take it one day at a time. One thing someone said to me somewhere that I always remember, though - "Hope is not a strategy". That is, it's fine to hope things go well, but it's better to have a Plan B that you can fall back on.
I hope u are planning on attending Al-Anon meetings for yourself it is the best way to support our husbands . learn about the disease and our part in it , We do have a part in this mess , like it or not , in our program we learn to stay out of thier face and off thier backs this is his problem leave it with him , when we get busy in our own program there is no time to watch wht they are doing your too busy fixing yourself . If your both in recovery you have a chance to make this work tho neithr program promises to save marriages it does promise to return sanity to our lives . good luck Louise
I hope the intervention works for him. But you have to be prepared if it doesn't. Relapse is part of it. Having said that, the best thing you can do for yourself is to take care of you. You will need this program now more than ever. The dynamics of a sober relationship vs. an active one are very different. I didn't realize how true this was until much later on. Best of luck to all of you. Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
