The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
In my previous topic's I wrote about all the troubles between my son and daughter-in-law. this morning I called and almost "pleaded" for them to come for a bar-be-que---whenever it's "convient" for you...and could I please take the kids to a show.? Now this is about the 8th time i asked for the kids----no response. Like am I sick in the head???? DH thinks just have them over---we do all the work---they sit there---{I will be on pins and needles.} Well of course they never called back. But now I AM FINISHED calling-emailing---its all in their court. No more pleading, I am soooo tired of it. I only hope I can stick to this and Let go and Let God. I need all the prayers and responses I can get...so thanks for listening and Please pray for me to be finally strong and mean what I say.
This is just MY ESH, meagain. I wish so badly that my ex MIL had been persistent in trying to see my kids. I wish that no matter what, she had just continued to call and ask to see the kids. I wish she hadn't given up. I wish that my own mother could be strong enough and a big enough person to put my kids first and do what ever it took to be with them. But these are flawed, sick women I am talking about. Both of them are mentally ill and grew up in alcoholic homes. They have "issues" just like the rest of us, they have no program and being that they are the generation above me, they have let this disease ruin their lives. They live in a state of constant victimhood. And now they are the victim of mean ole me. They refuse to see that they have any part in what has happened. They refuse to acknowledge the pain they have caused yet expect all the rest of us to apologize to them for their percieved hurts.
Now, This doesn't have much bearing on what your post was. I just wanted to say that if either of the grandmothers in my life had this program, then not only would their lives be better but so would the lives of my kids. Don't give up on those kids. Especially if their parents have been effected by this disease, they need you and your recovery. If you keep reaching out to those kids, if you never ever give up, how could your son or DIL ever blame you for not being there. I hear you, it isn't easy. But no one said life is easy. Even thru the rejection you are experiencing from your son and DIL, if you can just be consistent in wanting to spend time with your grandkids, in the end, it will count, it will show.
It sounds to me like a break would be a good idea. What good are you to the kids anyway if you sit on pins and needles the whole time? I would never suggest that you give up forever, but take some time to work our program for yourself. Focus on you and what you need for a bit. I know when I started to get healthier, I could finally see some of the ways I was contributing to the problems. As I got healthier, my relationships improved, even with my active A's.
Don't give up, on those little ones or yourself. Maybe try getting a sponsor and digging into the steps for you and see how it goes. This program does work if you work it. And keep coming back here.
In recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
