The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I met my AH 20 yrs ago, went our separate ways, got reacquainted 5 yrs ago, married 4 yrs ago. I knew he had a drinking problem when I married him (he smokes weed too) I drank, but as a normal person would. I thought I could fix his addictions, it would only take time, because he's such a nice guy and worth saving. Surely there was something I could do or say that would decrease or stop his drinking and smoking. Nothing worked. However, every so often he would get into these very dark moods for about 3 consecutive days where he hated everything including himself I could not reach him then at all. I prayed for an answer. He recvd a DUI 2 years ago (his 3rd). I thought this has to be his bottom. No, it wasnt. He kept drinking! I made him attended a 28 day program shortly thereafter, and he drank w/in 4 days after getting out. I thought I was going to go crazy! Someone suggested Alanon. I started attending f2f Alanon meetings. Four months later, we separated for 1 mo. because I could not stand his drinking any longer - he was combining alcohol and prescription pills - bad - which made things just frickin awful! During his absence, he said he remained sober for those 30 days and I allowed him to come back. And guess what? Yep, he started drinking again and smoking. Had an intervention and it worked for about 10 months - and then he started drinking again and smoking more than ever! It totally blew me away!!!We had purchased our first home together. I thought for sure he would be the man I knew he could be. However, we are currently separated 5 weeks now he left when I told him to leave - he had broken our contract and I could not allow him to stay here. I went to Alanon this morning thank God for Alanon! Im not sure whats going to happen. Im paying all the bills, etc. with no help from him. He refuses to give me any money for bills (he says he will, but it never happens). I hope to gain some insight from other peoples experiences and wisdom.It's not been easy - my heart feels like its going to explode with pain. I know I need to remain strong and keep my boundaries firm.Thank you.
((AJ)) I know you would like your AH to change, but he does not want to change because of the grip Acohol has on his life. You sat boundaries, you detached from the A, you attended a meeting this morning. You are taking care of you, and that is the most important thing you could be doing. Even though we do the right things, as you have done, we still "WORRY". How can we stop worrying about something we have no control over? The very best way I have found is to turn it over to my HP. Really turn it over to him. Don't turn it over to Him and then take it back again. Yes, sometime it takes longer than will like for our HP to help us, but He will. He always does. Read earlier post and responses from other members of MIP. You will be amazed at what you can read that will help you with your problem. We are glad you are here. Keep coming back and posting. You are in my prayers. RLC
Sounds like you are taking the steps to take care of you and your life. One thing that has always helped me in dealing with the A is to never listen to their words, go by their actions. even in their sobriety it is tough, all the things you blamed on their alcoholism, is really part of their personality, that's scary. Anyway dont stop your Alanon meetings and really develop a relationship with your higher power. You sound like your on the right path. Luv, Bettina
I am one year out from leaving the A. It will be more than a year since I last saw him in November. I have no plans to reconnect. One thing that helps me is my pets. He really super neglected them and abused them. They don't deserve that. I have to look to that I don't deserve it either. I know what life would be with him, one long chaos trip and more pain. Who needs that.
Leaving is hard. I know that. staying is hard too. We do not have an easy road.
