The material presented
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Hi, It is my first time posting. I am very concerned. I have been thinking of moving out of the house. But my A always changes my mind. Telling me that it is best for the family to stay together that it will hurt our 8 year old son, that it is best finanacially etc... However, I can't control my temper anymore. I get really upset when he drinks and does other things(porno, smoking, staying up for several nights, not eating etc...) I know that it is a deasse that I can't control it. I have been living like this for about 10 years. He goes in and out of rehab. Stays clean for a few months then, it starts all over again. I have managed the finances and made my own life with my son. But, my A is also bipolar and takes madication: lithum, prozac, and other meds. I do not know if the behavior is for the drinkin or the medication. He has become more agressive and synical to his action. I am tired. I wan to run and never look back. I need to be in peace. My son needs a better place to live free of the crazyness. I am preparing to move out the first week of July, The A is so angry and as a consecuence he started drinking even more and like always blames me for everything. I am concerned that he will lose the house. He is two months behind. In the past i paid the fees and late charges. I do not want to do it this time. But do not know if it is the best. He will lose the house. He keeps telling me that he does not know what to do. Other timnes he gets so engry calling me names and acting so crazy. I think that I wil be okay. I have my own house and money is just enough for the expenses. Please pray for me. I need all the strengh to move on. I hope that the A gets better and if he does not it is not my foult. Thanks
Dealing with mental illness (esp bipolar) is a whole additional burden on top of dealing with active alcoholism. I am in the process of divorcing my husband who is both and I just simply could no longer live with the man and his behaviors. My peace and happiness is too valuable to me and life is too short to spend it like that- being yelled at, all the insanity. Eventually, it became violent and abusive and that was when I made my break away from him.
He is not going to change. He does not think that there is anything unusual in his behaviors, many of which you describe. Let me tell you there are lots of people out there who do not conduct themselves this way and who are not going to beat on the people they live with- verbally, physically, emotionally- in any way. Other people out there want peace. I wanted peace. I GOT IT when I no longer lived with him and I am getting more and more of it as the divorce becomes final.
Bipolar is really really hard to live with. I could not do it.. Some people can. I could not. I admitted my limitations and I have moved on and my life is so much better.
You are going to be just fine. You keep the focus on YOU and your child. You sound like you are making some good choices and yeah, your kid does need to see some peace and happiness, too- so do you. You both deserve it. Best of luck and hugs, J.
From what you posted it sounds like you know this, but remember, you don't cause it, can't control it and can't cure it, when it comes to your A.
Protecting you and your son is where to focus yourself.
I understand the fear that their world will fall apart if we stop taking care of them and focus on ourselves, but sometimes that is the only thing that can save them...getting out of the way so their Higher Powers can work on them. Allowing them the dignity to suffer the consequences of their actions.
Whatever you decide to do, keep coming back. You will find love and support here.
Welcome there are tons of tools in al anon that you can use to improve your current predicament. I think its pretty hard to do this all alone. Please keep posting, keep getting to know people here you will soon feel the warmth of this program.
One of the Al-Anon suggestions to the victims of alcoholism and drug addiction is have an alternate plan of action such as a safe house, money and extra set of keys to the car. You're okay. Be alert. If he is drinking and doing meds for bi-polar and he is staying up for a week at a time you are dealing with a time bomb. Waiting for it to explode might not be the best consideration and making sure that others in position of help are there when and if you need is critical. We are here to support you and we are not there to support you. Get some local support. That suggestion comes from my past experience as an Alternative to Violence case manager and from my history with violence. It's okay to be proactive and that means not being late at making a good decision.
If his meds isn't keeping him up for a week and his paranoia isn't the cause he might be using something else also. Scarey!!
From what I understand I can say People have one of two choices, to live in a broken home or to come from a broken home. The old saying it's hard to come from a broken home...wasn't said by thouse who were still trying to live inside of one. Take care of you, get healthy, get to face to face meeting. Find someone in the meetings who has what you want and ask them to sponsor you. For once in your life, realize there are always options. We so often forget that when we put up with bad treatment, it sends a message that you accept it. When we set boundaries and stick to them our words then change from empty words of wanting to leave, to actually leaving. Say what you mean, mean what you say, and you don't even have to say it in a mean way. Stand on the words to state. Get outside help, know yo u are worth it.
Thank you all for readying the post. I am going to meetings and it has helped me to be more focus. It is true that I can't deal with this madness. I believe that he is smoking cocain. The last three nights I took my son to sleep over with my aunt. My son feels very sad and askes me about his dad.. It has been hard to deal with all of this. I am waiting for the house that I am moving into. I will get the keys by july 6th. These three weeks will be the longest of my life. But, I have the feeling that the A will get really bad when I move. He has become nasty. I can't describe him. He goes over my closet and looks into everythings that i have. He destroyed my jewlery box and everything in it. I think that if he gets violent I must move ASP I will go with my aunt until iIget the house. I have been saving my own money and I think that i will be okay for a few months until I am more relax and see what is the next step. The A knows where my other house is and I am concern that he wil show up there. Will see what happens. Thank you all for your prayers, Please keep replaying.
is not my foult.
