The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hello, everyone! I am so frustrated I want to scream. I can't get on the chat room my Java isn't working. sounds like a good line in a commercial ) but it's not. I just want to pull my hair out and scream retty much. I know I let my AH get to me and I shouldn't but with that said I am also tired of the nasty person I live with. we have soooo many bills and can't pay them but all he cares about is a new exhaust for his again new car. ( 3rd one in 2 yrs) and i can't take it now he has been telling me to mind my own business and keep my mouth shut because I got our son baseball tickets for his 11th b-day and there might be a ball game my son should be in but the kids b-day to me is more important not the AH. I am so tired of being told to mind my own business excuse me this family is my business. I just want to run out screaming and say pleas never look for me or the kids again but being married with kids (another laugh line) keeps me tired to this jerk for life and i am not sure i am realy to leave as I am still scared ofhis retaliation. I feel like a rabbit burried in a whole with no air at all to breath. If ANYONE has any suggestions other then go to a meeting which I am doing tomorrow night. PLEASE feel free to throw it my way. I am much need of some anything here.
i'm still learning how alcoholism works, so i might not be the best to give advice. i don't have a meeting i can go to, other than here on this forum (the chat works for me but the meetings are during my daughter's bedtime routine, darn it). what i do is: 1) get it down in WORDS any way i can, either typing it here or in my e-journal or writing in my paper journal - even if it's just mad scribbling in red marker! i feel like i can "scream" it all out if i just scribble or doodle and let my emotions take over and get it on the paper, 2) meditate and/or pray - very hard to concentrate during crisis or chaos time, but just trying makes me realize i'm doing something good for myself, 3) talk to someone on the phone or in person who knows something about alcoholism, even if they're not in Al-Anon or AA. getting a reality check feels good, venting feels good too. i hope this helps! :)
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To know the darkness is to love the light, to welcome dawn and fear the coming night.
I remember being in that place where I was soooo mad that listening to much less taking suggestions was impossible. Sadako had some good ones that work for her. One of the ones that worked for me that I learn was to go outside in the open or in a place where I wouldn't hurt myself or others and just do the biggest tantrum I was able to. Remember how you tantrumed when you were a child (if you ever did)? That's what I did. Stand in one place clench my fist and teeth, jump up and down and slam my feet into the ground pumping my arms at my side and just screeching. I really did that give it a try. It's kinda like taking that little pressure thingy off of a pressure cooker and letting the steam out. Journaling is quieter and more secretive. I liked that one too!
I'm glad to hear you're going to a "live" meeting - see if you can get a free newcomer packet, they have lots of good pamphlets. And if they have a "courage to change" or "one day at a time" book for sale, you might consider getting one of those - they are daily readers, with just a little snippet of sanity for each day. $10-$12, I think.
In the meantime, do you know the Serenity Prayer? (You'll hear that at the meeting too ). If not, it goes like this:
God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change the Courage to change the things I can and the Wisdowm to know the difference.
Try saying that over and over. After you have the hissy fit - no sense calming yourself down with the rage still inside. If you can't let it out in the open, another way is to scream into a pillow.
I was married with children, now I'm a single mom. I was afraid of his retaliation but now he just sits in jail. It is possible to have freedom if you want it. I hated living in fear of what might happen. I hated the unpredictable spots of chaos. I'm not scared to be alone anymore. Time heals all!
I can relate a great deal. Believe me there are many many many people here who have been there done that and have the T shirt. The issue is that Al anon has tools that help you to work through it. I know its impossible. I also know its an issue. I will say that there are those of us who felt equally tied, equally exhausted and we came up with ways out of it.
There is a way out, it might not be the way you want. There are also ways to stay if you need to, want to without going insane.
Taking the focus off him is huge, especially when you feel left out already but taking the focus off him is one way to focus on you and what you need. I certainly know what it is to be emotionally starved. Many of us do.
Try to come here often and post, go to the chat room, go to virtual meetings, read literature, learn what you can do.
