The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
In the last few days, I've found out that (my step-dad) the A is vomitting blood daily, now. Not sure how long it's been happening. My mother mentioned it and it seems to have taken me a couple of days for it to really sink in.
I knew he was bad, I know it's progressive. It is really sad to know he's at this stage. I feel he probably won't be around much longer. No wonder I have suicidal ideations... watching ppl do this to themselves slowly, year after year is slow suicide.
So what's it going to be? my mother, myself & his 28 year old mistress all consoling each other in the end? I can finally get that little sister I never knew I wanted. My mom said she saw her a few weekends ago and she has aged terribly in the last 3 short years. I can't imagine the worry & stress she has been dealing with ~ I like to watch surgery & am not squeamish but if my lover was vomitting blood, I'd be uber freaked out.
Only an addict would think, 'bloody tissues, internal bleeding... let's give it more alcohol.'
Just reinforces my helplessness & hopelessness in this disease. I can't do anything about it. I don't want to watch everyone die around me.
I remember 15 years ago, when I was 25 and hearing the A say, "I have to drink to loosen up to talk to ppl in my work, it makes me a better salesman." Now, if I had a million dollars in cash sitting there, money that he has supposedly been working for all this time. Money that would "save" the family financially & could sustain the 3 of us for the rest of our lives... given the choice between $ 1M or booze for the rest of his life ~ he'd prob pick booze.
I feel like a rat on a sinking ship, like I'm going to be the only aware one left holding the bag. I am hating this.
God, I have been pushing, begging for changes. It feels like the planet is losing and it hurts. God, divine healer, master physician of us all, save your planet, heal your humans *hopefully* this is Your Will.
-- Edited by kitty at 04:38, 2008-06-12
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
My uncle, the drunk of my childhood, vomitted blood for years. At least 10. He also peed blood for over 15. He was a vodka drinker who has severe wet brain for the last 8 years of his life. He detoxed once and they said he'd be on so much meds for the rest of his life that it wouldn't make alot of difference. His brain was far too destroyed for him to have even a semblence of a normal life. Ofcourse, he went back to drinking. His death was awful, painful, and scarey to watch. I never knew him as a functioning drunk. By the time I knew him he was the walking(stumbling, falling down, mostly sitting) dead. He moved in with me and my mom when I was 11 and lived with us for 5 years till my grandma died and then we moved him to her house.
It was terrifying to watch and just watching him kill himself that way was enough to keep me from a drink till I was older. My friends started drinking when we were 14. I was too scared. They didn't get it but when you watch someone become mentally retarded, it kind of scares you away from the substance that is doing it.
It is very, very sad. Pathetic to see happen to someone we love and are supposed to be able to count on. Sickening, because they do have a choice, there is a way to get better. I suppose it takes faith and courage and lots of hard work but it can be done.
And the triangle he will be leaving behind. Nothing is simple is it? I was just left in a similar triangle with the death of my father's partner. So, it is me (whom he loved like a daughter) his ex wife and his current partner. Yup, that equals a good time!
But you sound like you have much compassion and love for everyone involved, including yourself. I'm sending you extra love and prayers.
I like your prayer. I can use that to meditate with all day long. It is, for me, God's will that all God's creation be as perfect as when first arrived...however as I understand it, we were also given a will of our own and choices and with us many of the people we love that God loves make choices of entrapment we become addicted to life threatening chemicals and God's creation gets broken apart. The body survives when the booze is eliminated. The booze is eliminated when the mind, spirit, emotions and body shouts out enough!! When the self will surrenders itself to the will of God, a Higher Power of understanding, and the person surrenders themself to others who know how to come out of the addiction and the program that they use...they can recovery beyond expectations. First off is the prayers. "God this person needs help and direction help him/her find the path and the courage to stay on it."
Turn him over and continue to fix yourself. That way your HP can get two or more of God's creation back in great shape.
Yes, turn him over and concentrate on you, We all have to do this at stages I think. My step-mom has just been diagnosed with lung cancer and has been a bad A for years, my father is very co-dependent so its an absolute nightmare, I have had a terrible week with it but I think we should turn it over.
