The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
i was married to my a for 17 pretty miserable years, cheating, lying, spending money, dui, etc. then he left me for another woman. when i filed for divorce he begged me to take him back. i prayed about it and felt thats what i should do. he went to aa, quit drinking, we went to church and got saved, hung out with other christians, it was wonderful. the first seventeen yeas i just thought we were uncompatible, and fought the whole time. then when he quit drinking we had alot in common and it was great. he didnt drink for 7 years, then he decided he had learned and he could drink responsibly so he had a few beers for months, it made me sick to my stomach to see him with a beer (only drinks beer) then one night he went out and closed down a bar. He got pulled over one night before that , didnt get locked up cause it was at our driveway. then got drunk one night and had a small wreck. Quit again. had 3 back surgeries in 2 years and now taking vicodin 4 xs day, which i think is a problem, and making him mean. one night last week he drank 2 beers at his family(they think its okay) and i just found out he drank 2 last night. been married 26 years, love him, dont believe in divorce, but i feel like i did 9 years ago, back to step one. he blames everything on me. i was 125lb when we got married, been married 26 years and 2 kids later i weigh 200./ i know im fat, but know he says hes very unhaapy in our relationship, because im so over weight, i know it makes a difference, but he would not be this way if he wasnt drinking or using. Anybody ever had a drinking agein a? and how did it go? I feel fat and worthless.......
Don't let him blame his problem on your weight , its just another way to not take responsibility for his behavior . Nothing u do will make him drink or stop were simply not that powerful . My husb started drinking after 9 months of dry but chose toleave our home he started drinking a few days later and stayed drunk for 6 months , almost drinking himself to death , he finally decided he would try sober and AA . that was 19 yrs ago . Life does get better for those who truly want to change , I don''t know if your going t meetings for yourself but i strongly encourage yu to give our prog a try it changed my lfe for the better , YOU ARE NOT THE REASON HE DRINKS --- PERIOD . Louise
Connie, abbyal is correct, it is not you. A's will always find a reason to justify their drinking, anything or anybody to take the blame away from themselves. Alcoholics can't drink, period, never!!!!! It is an incureable disease, once an A always an A. Keep coming back here. Get to some Al-Anon meeting in your area. You are at the right place here with people who care, and will be glad to help you through their experience. Most of us have been through what you are going through. We have all lived, or still live with an active A. Relapes are common. But,we have no control over the A. Nothing you do or try will change him. He is the only one who can do that. You can only change you and your life will get better. Al-Anon has changed my life and thousands of others. It is a great program. It is worth the try. RLC
Welcome! You are in the right place. The others are correct in that you are not the reason he drinks. His denial and blaming are just his disease talking. You cannot stop him from drinking, but you can help your own life get better as we all are doing in this program. I hope you can find a face2face meeting in your area. You will find lots of support and understanding from people who have been through this too.
Keep coming back.
In recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
You didn't Cause it You Cant Cure it and you can't Control it.
We call these the three C's and we find them to be true.
Another thing we find to be true is that we are dealing with a disease. By your post it seems that the vicodin causes him to be mean but you accept that because you see the disease in the Back problems. Alcoholism is the same way, If we accept it as a diseased man striking out in pain it is easier to bare. The blows to do not cut to the quick and we can learn to live happy and relatively free lives of joy again despite the A's drinking or drugging. :) Still it is a heavy burden but it does not have to be carried alone. Going to face to face Alanon meetings and meeting others living with the same problems lightens the load because we share and bare the same burden.
