... one word or a phrase can set me off by anyone that knows me.  I am very emotional and most days, honestly am pretty reactive.  So the days when I'm cool, calm, collected are the rare ones... and just b/c I don't outwardly say any thing, my brain is likely having a nutty conversation all by itself.  Then I'll wake up and continue it on until it's all worked out.

Like Saturday, a friend called & asked how I was (he was just returning my call - I checked in on his upcoming move).  I saw his name on my cell, answered, "hi Bill* " in a very low, lack luster voice. 
    He asked, "how are you" ~ I said "good" and then got defensive about something he asked.  He gave me a great idea to make some money. 
   During the conversation... I sd, 'earlier when u asked how I was, I lied'  (I am consciously trying to use more positive words, so I was faking it, to make it)... 'but I am doing a lot better & sorry I got defensive.' We accept each other and  know each other well.  I think of him as a little brother (I have no siblings) but he's annoying and sometimes pushes my buttons.


So today, my mom was all crabby & horrible & I maintained my real serenity.  I truly genuinely felt positive.  She sent a text apologizing & I wrote back "no worries" b/c I wasn't affected.

No, I wasn't thrown until later when a diff friend called and the wrong phrasing in a text sent me off!  No, I went off, I own what happened.  No one can make me feel any particlar emotion. My emotions and perceptions are uniquely individually my own.   So I can own my life it by controlling me, working it out and actually feeling serene again.

Thank god the program & hp doesn't give up on me/us.  It works when you work it!  and it works when I work it too!  haha   


*name has been changed for anonymity's sake