The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Still find it hard to work this programme by myself.
As some of the family are aware, there are no f2f meetings in my area and so I do not have that option. And, I do not have a sponsor on hand to telephone or meet up with.
What I do have is this forum and this family, however it is really hard some days to walk this path alone and with on this forum to come to to chat and talk with.
When I read of the things that some of you have discussed in your f2f it makes me feel quite cut off, and then on the other hand it sets me thinking too, otherwise I just have ME to think about, and that is not always a good thing.
Even the literature and news letters leave me feeling very empty sometimes...just long for social interaction at times.
Okay, that's my grump for now. Thank you for listening.
Suzannah,
__________________
Out of the ruin of my past I have found the fortress of myself and I know how to defend it.
Strive for WISDOM; Seek SERENITY; NEVER compromise your INTEGRITY.
(((((Suzannah)))) <-- cyber hugs aren't the same as human contact, I know.
I do relate to feeling lonely. I am an only child and had many desperate lonely hours crying alone as a teenager, it was an extremely difficult time for me. I was raised by a single parent.
I don't feel quite as alone as a divorced woman from a pill-popping bully, that screamed at me day & night, blaming me for the state of the world (literally). I much prefer the silence to that which I was married to. IDK, if u know me thru reading any of my posts... but it feels as if I am coming out of a coma of depression (not exaggerating or sugar coating)... I just slept so much of the last 2 years away. I obviously needed a lot of greiving, quiet and rest.
Right now, I choose not to go to F2F mtgs b/c, I fidgit, cry when others share, feel like a disturbance in general. I have found (for me) I am much more brutally honest being completely anonymous in cyber-land here - no one can see me turn red, make faces, get a water, pee, I can blubber & snot all over the place, which I do in the meetings on-line. And no one is disrupted by my behavior.
Right now I am very isolated & don't have hardly any friends but I am very vulnerable & sensitive too. I've never been any good at protecting myself from emotional pain (as I'm naturally empathetic) so it seems like this time in my life is about learning self-love, preservation, protection.
You can get human contact anywhere & everywhere but truly, no one like us will understand your pain or relate to your experiences.
Have you tried the on-line meetings here? They are twice a day & very powerful. When I feel lonely, bored or even self-destructive, I either post or go to chat. Sometimes no one is in there but wait a few minutes and people will start pouring in.
I have cats & would have gone bananas if I didn't have their adoring beautiful souls giving me empathy & unconditional love. If I didn't have animals, I'd have plants... they grow when you nurture them, they have even proved they grow 'happier' with classical music.
I also comfort myself with funny movies, cartoons and music is SO healing. If I think about my pain, it hurts... I forgive it and try to do something that will get me laughing hard, hysterically if possible... it is super healing!
It is true, even though we are brought to this world through others... as John Bradshaw (an alcohol survivor, author) says, "we come into this world alone and we die alone." But we are all in this together! ( I believe connected spiritually).
Love & hope to you, right Now in this moment! Your friend in recovery, -kitty
p.s. I am speaking from personal ESH. My mother is outgoing & friendly - me not as much. She walks up and talks to anyone and they talk right back! I'm always amazed how she just smiles and chats away and people respond.
I just told a close friend these same words... "If we were all perfect and never hurt we probably wouldn't even exist. We wouldn't have anything to learn and not know the contrast of the 'good things.'
You are worth it & deserve the best, we all deserve healing of the Highest Order.
-- Edited by kitty at 18:42, 2008-06-06
__________________
Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
I just came from a f2f meeting that I rarely go to. It is in another county, another district...and it's much further away from home. But, I felt lonely today and felt I needed to make the trip. (today is my first wedding anniversary since the divorce.) I, too, wanted the social interaction....and some hugs.
Well....the meeting ended abruptly and everyone headed for the door, or started putting chairs away....no one spoke. (???)
I know my sponsor would say, "Did YOU try to hug anyone?" The answer to that is, no. I would've had to tackle someone!!! LOL
Just my experience today. I'm "grumping" right with you.
((((hugs)))) to you, Suzannah
-- Edited by glad lee at 22:22, 2008-06-06
__________________
The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
Ever thought of starting one? WSO and lots of others can help you do that and I'll be that there isn't a lack of potential members in your area. You just can't be the only one needing a f2f from time to time could you?
It ain't that scarey. Believe me I've started a couple.
If I can ever make it to Britain, the first place I will go is to visit you and give you a great big ((((((HUG))))))
Jerry has a good suggestion if you think you might be up to it. You know, though that we are always here for you. There are those of us who have a very special place in out hearts for you.
The chat room is a nice alternative to f2f meetings. Don't know if you are able to participate in that but it can be very helpful. It's not quite the same as a f2f meeting but at least you can get an instant response during open chat.
You are a very special person and a valuable member of this board. We will always be here whenever you need us.
Love,
Claudia
__________________
A person's a person no matter how small --Dr Suess
Know you are not alone. Know you are guarded by a league of angels. Know I have many sisters, those born to me and others here online. Know the same love I feel for them, the connected feeling, the love, sharing sadness and joy and successes are the same that I share with you. My precious friend, we are all in this together. The names may be different, the places located differently, the time and day we are sad, mad or glad take turns but also know your heavenly father (HP) has never forsaken you. I hear your every word and care. Keep posting. You are not alone.
