The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
There is a fairly new AA/Alanon right across the street from me & I want to go but I'm so scared to go. I know once I go to that first meeting that I won't be so afraid. I need to do something because I'm at my wits end! My brother is an alcoholic, my son is an alcoholic & my daughter is a drug addict & my partner is an alcoholic & dying because of it. I need to go because I am so so angry & one part of me doesn't understand why & don't want to know why! How come they can't see what they are doing to themselves & the ones they love? I just don't get it! It seems like each one of these people I love are doomed. Dying, going to jail over & over! Are they totally blind or just not care anymore? This is my first step in going to a meeting. I finally got up enough courage to do this online. This is the easy part I guess. I can just hide behind a computer & I feel bad that I am. Anyone else feeling what I am & know that help is only minutes or steps away & are just forze with fear?
I just want to encourage you to take a deep breath and walk through the door. Anything "scary" or uncomfortable about the thought of al-anon is nothing compared to the pain you are experiencing right now. You can cry, you can talk, you can stay silent, you can just listen. There will be no expecatations of you. Just know you will be accepted and loved, and discover you are not alone.
Blessings, Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
I went to my first fact to face meeting today. I was scared, too. I sat with one leg on and one leg off the chair, right by the door. After about 30 minutes, I managed to work my other leg onto the chair. I did do some crying, and all I managed to "share" was the pain on my face...but I managed not to bolt!
I guess you can think of it this way...you have faced much more in your current situations. I know it seems like this is hard; but when you "see" other people and "hear" other people in similar situations to yours, and find out how much they will be there to help support you on your journey, you will feel some sense of relief.
Just put one foot in front of the other; you will find out that you are not alone with the situation; and I'll bet you will find a friend or two or many:)
Mysticperl, You will be accepted at your first f2f meeting with open arms, trust me, just like you were a here at MIP. I do not know of one single person who has ever walked through the doors of Al-Anon that did not come out of their first f2f meeting knowing it was the very best thing they could have possible done. It will start a change in your life,
and one day you will look back on it just like I did,and say, " I don't know how I got by without the program in my life". RLC
Welcome MP. Most of us have been where you are right now. It will all work out. I remember walking through the doors of Alanon several years ago. Scarey, but I just went this morning to a meeting and it helps so much. One of the sayings they have it fake it until you make it. The rest will follow.
Possibly because you know the change that needs to take place will be in you and it's hard to change old habbits, admit we need to change etc.
I don't know but I know 2 things
1. The people I meet who seem to ONLY have alanon in their life and accept what I consider unacceptable do not have the kind of senerity I want.
2. Alanon seems to point the only way I have been able to find to "cure my ills" as long as I make it my own, model it according towhat I believe to be my higher power, let everyone else work it their way and just learn for myself depending on what HP wants for ME!
I can't let anything be my end all be all... but I can use tools God puts before me to find a better way. Counseling, "typical bible thumping" relying on what I learned about right and wrong and God growing up hasn't worked and controlling (helping) others all my life hasn't worked blaming others for my problems hasnt' worked. Alanon works, when I really want to be better I will work the steps and attend alaon meetings until then I can only hold myself for responsible for the pain I am still in.
THank you for allowing me to post this as I feel in a "mini" crisis at the moment.
I would encourage you to take what works for you and leave the rest. But also encourage you to consider if you may be in a similar spot. Encouragment meant, not negativity!
Repeat after me, I can't fix their disease.. I didn't cause their disease... I can't even cure their disease.... I'm drowning in anquish, pain and sorrow over others actions.... I deserve answers.... I deserve calm... I deserve peace... I deserve serenity... I won't repeat the mistake of holding all of this pain and guilt and anger... I will find that courage ...just for today...to walk in those doors... What is the absolute worse that could happen? I may cry....back up plan bring a tissue. I may tell a stranger my fears...they may have words of hope filled with love and understanding. I may appear that my life is out of control...so what!! We've all been there, we too must find the same courage we wish, beg, hope and plead that our alcoholics seek. Let it begin with me, for me, because of me, in time for me, with love and hope. Sweetie, when you are ready to walk into those doors...know it is the exact perfect moment. Learning to trust again can be scary....but OH the pay off. Learning to remember what made us happy can be unusual...but OH the delight and relief. Learning it's ok to love them and at the same time hate their disease, huge! Finding you no longer have to manipulate, beg, worry, fear, sacrifice your health, wealth and sanity...well worth the few minute walk. I look forward to hearing how it went for you! I'm here for you! Be good to you! It may be a nice change.
If your area has a Beginners Meeting before the regular meeting, attend that.
You will find yourself in a room with a group of beginners just like yourself. Scared just like you are. Nervous just like you are. That Beginners Meeting will put your mind and body at ease.
We are all there for the same reason. The old-timers there will extend themselves out to you and let you know that you are not alone. Along with sharing their ESH with you, you will also find compassion and comfort from them as well.
Please take that first step. It is your first babystep to finding peace and serenity. It is also the most important step in your journey towards healing and recovery.
