The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have found lately that I am trying to do more than my body or mind can handle. And when I do not accomplish the tasks at hand I feel as if I have failed. When I analyze this , it takes me back to when I lived with my alcoholic, and all my failed attempts to make him sober, thus making me feel inadequate or a complete failure, because I couldnt help him to find his way to sobriety. These are the "isms" carried forward within me from living with alcoholism for so many years. I realize this, but yet I strive for perfection, still trying to please, still trying to fix, still trying to control , this is one of my character defects which I am still working on. Geeeeez....funny how one is clear about this in one's mind,,but to put into practice,,a whole other story........"Progress not perfection!
practicing what we know is so very hard, GG. I am struggling with this also. I have a couple of years of al anon under my belt and am now returning to family and friends of origin after being away from them and the disease and it is so hard...like a junkie returning to her street corner!! LOL!! UGH! But we just need to always ask for help from HP- a power so much greater than who or what we are or could even possibly think of. HP can take care of it all and will if we will only LET GO. Hugs, J.
I didn't realize the connection until you wrote this but yes I feel failure way too much - on tasks like you noted that I don't get accomplished, on prior failed attempts to control a pleasant family life w/AH, for kids mental health issues which is genetic and out of my control.
I guess I knew this but didn't put together all the ways I let failure attack me. Goes back to counting your blessings or counting what I did get accomplished to counteract the feelings of failure. Positive self talk too which can really challenged me. Great to pull these thoughts together - thanks.
hugs, ddub
-- Edited by ddub at 13:40, 2008-05-29
__________________
"Choices are the hinges of destiny." Pythagoras You can't change the past, but you can change the future.
Of course not! Raised ACoA by an ACoA, I beat myself up, hold myself up to a much higher standard than any one else or even humanly possible! It is ridiculous the ways in which we torture ourselves or act like we can be perfect robots.
If we were "perfect" we would have nothing to learn & wouldn't exist (imho).
Yep, I am accepting I'm human, make mistakes, have a lot to learn & constant change is natural. Still working on not beating myself up but my foot just keeps kicking my bum!
Oh yeah & trying to focus on my character strengths & not my defects. I know logically (Universally/karmically/spiritually whatever) we attract what we put out, if I keep being negative, well u know it comes back ten-fold.
Like the Let go, let God thing (so difficult for me) - hold so tight for so long of fear of just releasing, surrenderring - what a blessed gift when we do! For me goes back to keeping the focus on me & not everyone else.
__________________
Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Somehow that phrase reasonable expectations seem like an oxymoron to me.
Reasonable? I don't try to do that alone and in fact perk up my listening when ever that word is mentioned. Expectations? Before program that word and reasonable never held hands. Today I kill most of my expectations before they take root. I like to nay I want to be surprised rather than be right or dis- appointed. That's most reasonable for me. I am giving up all control. LOL
I am a lifetime member of the Al-Anon Family Groups Worldwide. Therefore reasonable and expectations are not a part of my sane vocabulary. Nice change.
