The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
but I want other parents to know they are not the only ones.
my son has been very absent. I kept some communication. I asked him to come that mothers day sunday,said well call me and let me know. My daughter and grandson were coming.
he never called,nothing. I ended up in too much pain to see my daughter. besides I gotta somehow change me. she is very involved in her life too.does not call me back or email me back. She honestly is very independant.
anyway , I stopped all emails and calls. all it does is hurt me. they are busy.
I emailed to them both,I don't see you or hear from you. I don't understand?
Neither answered me. they are not mad at me, no harsh words ever.they are both very intelligent, have careers,family.
sometimes I wonder if they don't want to be close becuz they are afraid i will die too, like the whole family.both dad sides are not involved.
Its horrible. I probably have brought this up before. just frigging hurts.
sometimes I want to die or get real sick to teach them a lesson.
told daughter i could pack up a livestock trailor and move and who knows how long before they noticed.NOt pity thing,truth.
oh I am venting. is about the ickiest thing for a parent to bare.
if I was a grump, bossy,say do this or that,critical,selfish,whatever I would understand.but i am not. always a pollyanna,now a pollyanna with life experience and better.
Deb that is very sad. My girls are my best friends and everyday I think about how heartbreaking parenting is, and I just don't know if I have the stregnth for it.
A little off topic, my own mother has very little interest in me, she never has. I actually call her, leave messages, emails, notes...nothing. When I talk to her she is always the first to initiate the end of the conversation. I have tried teach her a lesson, not call or write untill I hear from her, and the months turn into years. I'll break down and call, she will be done talking to me in less than 10 minutes. She does not know she does this, she really has no idea. I have other siblings she speaks to regularly.
I don't have alot of point in saying that, except maybe to make sure we aren't looking over anybody, because it realy does hurt. The more I try to get over it, the more I realize I'm not,
-- Edited by RainyJamie at 02:48, 2008-05-28
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I'm like a pinch of tea...put me in hot water and see how strong I can be.
I am so sorry for the pain the both of you feel. My Dad isn't quite that bad, but still when I email him it could be days before he replies. If I call we really can't talk about much, but computer stuff. That's his thing, though, and I am grateful that I am a bit interested too so it gives us something to connect over. Before we connected on the subject of computers, we rarely talked more than once a year for a few minutes. I used to write to him a lot for a few years, but no response. He just can't make the connection. I love him and it hurts, sometimes, but I know how he is and I think he does his best. He built me this computer and said its done and we're coming your way. I was floored when it actually happened. I tried hard not to be disappointed that he only stayed for 2 days. He drove like 2000 miles and only stayed 2 days. But that's my Dad. LOL I hadn't seen him in almost 7 years.
Anyway, I don't know how our relationships get this way, or how to fix them. I can't change my Dad. And I suspect there is some kind of fear or guilt or something that prevents him from connecting on an emotional level.
It makes me sad for all of us sometimes. I don't know what else to say but I feel like a group hug.
((((((((Debilyn, Jamie, Jen)))))))))))
In recovery,
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~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
((())) Debilyn you are such a giving person that sometimes people will take you for granted - even your own family. I think you need some sort of outlet away from your home that gives you something to look forward to each week. You know they may then come calling or ring and guess what you have your own life as well and might not be available. I don't think your own kids will realize how hard they have been to their Mum until their own children have grown up. I feel your pain as a Mother and am thinking of you with love. Leo xx.
