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I can't remember when the last time it was I was on this board-but anyway I am trying to change my attitude on life! I have started going to a counsellor. I am trying to learn a new way of dealing with my adult sons. On Mothers day my oldest son--more or less blamed me for his whole marriage breakdown. the week before that, he had called me and "yapped" for over a hour about his wife. BIG problem on my part---I put my own 2 cents worth in about his wife......(wrong) ......so now I am the whole problem!! FOr 10 days when they were going thru their marriage crisis-I tried to call numerous times and e-mailed them. No answer. So MOthers Day we did stop in their house and I got "blasted". OK fine--I went to DIL just said I was sorry (don't know what for) because my son never told her anything I said (I think)!! anyway I made amends-I really think my son owns me a apology.....so I am not calling them...............it is soooooooo hard to LEt Go and Let GOd. I am sick of playing games and I am trying to have a life of my own. Sorry to rant>>>
I think it's important to look at a situation and recognize where I contributed and change just that part of the situation (where possible). I feel in most disagreements it takes two (or more!) to tango - it's not just ALL one person's fault.
I think you're doing well - keep your side of the fence clean. You recognized where you apparently overstepped a boundary, you apologized, and I think that's a great start.
You are ultimately not responsible for the condition of your son's marriage. That responsibility lies in the hands of your son and DIL, and, ultimately, if they end their marriage, that was THEIR decision, not yours. Also if they make amends, it was all part of their efforts, not yours, either.
You didn't cause the marriage problems, you can't control their marriage problems, and you sure as heck can't cure their marriage problems.
I can definitely put myself in the way of the "blame" very easily. I can put myself right on the target and take it. Then I learned to regroup, detach, practice the 3 c's and revise my expectations. I stopped trying to fix everyone and worked on me. Detaching is such a great art, for me it takes practice, daily sometimes hourly practice but it helps tremendously.
I can't remember when the last time it was I was on this board-but anyway I am trying to change my attitude on life! I have started going to a counsellor. I am trying to learn a new way of dealing with my adult sons. On Mothers day my oldest son--more or less blamed me for his whole marriage breakdown. the week before that, he had called me and "yapped" for over a hour about his wife. BIG problem on my part---I put my own 2 cents worth in about his wife......(wrong) ......so now I am the whole problem!! FOr 10 days when they were going thru their marriage crisis-I tried to call numerous times and e-mailed them. No answer. So MOthers Day we did stop in their house and I got "blasted". OK fine--I went to DIL just said I was sorry (don't know what for) because my son never told her anything I said (I think)!! anyway I made amends-I really think my son owns me a apology.....so I am not calling them...............it is soooooooo hard to LEt Go and Let GOd. I am sick of playing games and I am trying to have a life of my own. Sorry to rant>>>