The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi All, I've been coming here every day and reading everything. It is a great help and I thank you all. I am trying hard to do things again. We went to the movies. We are seeing friends again. I get distressed when I am having a good time, and then my A Son flashes through my head and I start wondering where he is and what is he doing and is he in danger. My only contact is one sentence emails where he either says that I (me) will be sorry one day or he curses at me. I finally sent him a short email saying I can't do this anymore. No more emails from me and I will not open his anymore, and I hope my real son comes back to me someday. I am of course worried that his you'll be sorry someday is a threat that he is going to hurt himself. I am not feeling very much. I am not angry or very sad, just dull and flat. I have taken so much abuse and I have run around trying to fix and lessen my anxiety. There is nothing left anymore. Just a low grade worry and some sense of acceptance and the 3 Cs. Thanks for listening. Laura
My three sons are grown. My oldest is in the military; he has served overseas three times. I don't know if his behavior would be different if he hadn't been in the military. He drinks, he lies, he goes through his money and my money. There is always an angle. That is his disease. So hard to say no to him especially since he now has a wife and new baby. I think like you that best thing I can do for him is to say no, no, no. I too would like my son back.
((Laura)) what you've just described is called emotional blackmail. It is used to place you in fear, knock you off balance, lay you on guilt trips, hurt you by stealing your calm, peace and serenity. It's a common ploy used by those who are sick. It serves the user by placing blame elsewhere. Into believing it's someone elses fault (not taking responsiblity for their own actions).
We are only responsible for ourselves. We didn't cause it, we can't cure it, we can not control it. You have tools you can use, pray for him. Take care to make sure you are not too hungry, angry, tired, or lonely. Keep reading your daily literature. Get to as many meetings as you can. Speak with other program people. Continue to step out of the way of his disease so his HP can work miracles in his life.
The hateful, hurtful words that are spoken are that of the disease. Not of the precious son you raised. Don't give up hope that his bottom is coming soon, so he can grow to make healthy choices.
Please keep taking care of you. Speak with your sponsor, do your step four, realize what is and isn't your responsibility. Keep posting, I care.
Thank you ((((((Nancy and Peggy,))))))) I do want my sweet son back and not this hurtful man run by a desease, which he claims he doesn't have. He is in the worse circumstances than he has ever been in regarding living conditions, but I am much better than I was several months ago when I lived in total fear 24/7. I don't know where the bottom will be, but now I know I am not a safety net. Some of the fear has been not knowing if I could withstand the next blow so I better stop it before it happens. That doesn't work! So now I am working harder at having a life and it is slowly happening. This site is a great learning place. Laura
I really worked on not knowing where the A was or what he was doing. Knowing hurt there was nothing I could do about it anyways after I exhausted myself. Not knowing is so so so key for me. I worked on not knowing, not asking, not venturing down that path. That really meant turning it over for me.
I'm new to this and have a son who is sick with this disease too. I miss my little boy too (my son is 18). I am just getting to the point where I realize I am powerless. I pray for you and everyone else who has a loved one caught in the grip of this.
