The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
A went on a binge Thursday morning, walked out of the house, and did not come back. I have gotten to the point that I do not worry; know I should. But he'll be home in a couple of days, repentent, sorry, embarrassed, ashamed, "I'll never drink again." You know the drill. Well....yesterday morning he wandered up the driveway looking like death, still reeking and staggering, saying, "I'll pack my things and leave."
I have had infinite patience with him. He should have been gone a long time ago, but I do care for this man although the deep passion is gone. I want him to straighten up, of course.
I unlocked the door, let him in, and then came the story. This refined, elegant, gorgeous British gentleman had been arrested the evening before for public intoxication, stripped of his rights and his possessions, and tossed onto a cold, hard concrete, jail cell floor for the night, which he shared with several other "guests." Never, in his life, has anything like this ever happened. I couldn't help but chuckle to myself over his outrage at being treated this way. Handcuffed!!! They had the nerve to HANDCUFF me!!! *chuckle, chuckle.* Now a court date is set for late June where I guess he has a chance to defend himself. I certainly don't know anything about the court system.
For the time being, I cannot continue to involve myself with Bill, even though I would love to spend time with him. He understands and waits on the sidelines for me to decide which way my path is turning.
I have an agent and appointments to tour homes for sale on Oahu, Kauai, and the big island of Hawai'i when I make my trip. The decision to go there is a concrete decision. And, come what may with the A, I am joyously anticipating the move.
The reason for this post is to tell you that I have come to the point where I can actually laugh at the antics of the A rather than become mired in desperate sadness. Not that any of it is funny. My attitude is, "OK so what? What you do with your life is up to you."
I think I am making progress.
Diva
-- Edited by Diva at 12:27, 2008-05-24
-- Edited by Diva at 18:02, 2008-05-24
__________________
"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
I certainly see you as making progress. To be able to really see the reality of the situation and let Bill deal with the consequences of HIS actions, all while keeping your mouth shut about the logistics and craziness of it all, well, you are my hero.
It sounds like you made your boundaries very clear and he understands them and accepts them.
I am also proud of you for taking the steps to push forward on your dream to move to Hawaii.
Thank you for posting. You give me hope.
Blessings, Lou
__________________
Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
Thanks for your reply Loupi. Remember, Bill is the long lost love out of my past who resurfaced recently. The flame is still burning. He is not the A. Adds a bit of intrigue and interest, I think.
Best to ya,
Diva
__________________
"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
So happy for you to have gotten so far on your path. You have fought hard to keep going,with some hard obstacles.
Of course I remembered "Bill"we all anxiously waited for updates!!
Glad the goal to check out the islands is materializing!
The A continues to get sicker.Sadly sounds like he learned nothing. Did not take ownership of the mess at all!! How dare they? He buddy you were drunk as a skunk!
Where does that phrase come from??? Skunks don't get drunk, hmmmm they do stink.hmmm
I learn so much when the stories are shared. Kinda like a guiding light. I take everything my AHsober does and says so seriously. I get so sad yes desperate sadness. It is him not me with the extreme behavior. I hope I can get to the point of thinking his behavior is funny (and I do understand what you mean). And he has made his choices about his life. Well, I too look forward to a trip to Hawaii when my son goes back to school.
Hi Diva, I am glad that you have a patient interest standing to the side. I have had that also, myself and its been helpful to me.
I am getting divorced and have a great attorney and have found that having an attorney can be like an HP- just leave it in her hands to take care of...I have even considered shaping my HP to look more like her in my own minds eye.
I am sorry that you have to go through this but you sound great and your story is inspiring. You are both using your head and your heart to take care of yourself. You have always been a real inspiration to me that way.
We all can follow our bliss whether that means moving to Hawaii or simply buying ourselves flowers or choosing peace over chaos, etc. Your post demonstrates that we do indeed have choices. much aloha and hugs, J.
What an uplifting post, great reminder that we must keep the focus on ourselves and our progress. Lest we lose sight of our own growth and blessings. Glad you are here.
Inspirational! This is the promise of Al-Anon - that we can be happy regardless of another's behavior (my paraphrasing). thank you for showing the program in practice. Jill
It sounds as though you have found some serenity and allowed it to up lift you. Seeing the funny side of the situation does not lessen it, however, it adds a new dimension and I have always found that the funny side dimension releases a lot of the pressure.
Looks like you have a lot of things going for you. Transition can be daunting, however it can also be inspiring and I see a huge dose of inspiration in your present situation.
Keeping you in my prayers as always, Suzannah
__________________
Out of the ruin of my past I have found the fortress of myself and I know how to defend it.
Strive for WISDOM; Seek SERENITY; NEVER compromise your INTEGRITY.
Well you certainly handled that with grace. You are learning and growing. The fact that you can see the humerous side is always a good sign. (Bad Bill would be proud of you.) Turn him over to his HP and let him do his thing. I always said that if hubby landed in any legal trouble because of his drinking, it would be his problem to solve. If he landed in jail I would take his meds to him but the rest would be up to him. It may sound cold to some, but I have my limits. Enjoy your trip. I hope you find the place of your dreams. Much love and blessings to you and your family. Kiss the animals for me.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
What a wonderful example of detachment. I find the more I practice it the better it is. What a blow to my huge ego which felt the world depended on me and my input to go around!
