The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The place where the A lived last summer is part of the huge fire which is going on in California at the moment. It would normally be totally natural for me to contact him to talk about what is going on there. The people who he lived with (and who I paid rent to) will have lost everything. There is no way they could get all their belongings out at short notice. I am not sure if the fire has reached their home yet but it is pretty likely they were evacuated yesterday. I am sure the A has a tremendous upsurge of feelings about it.
The issue for me is that my life with the A is over. There is no point speaking to him even though we share a knowledge about what it was like to live in that area. I am so glad that my dogs are not there, they would be beside themselves and absolutely terrified.
This is just one more sign for me that my relationship with him is over. I have no need to engage with him on anything again. He destroyed our relationship with his self destructiveness and he has to pay the price for it which means no more shared moments with me no matter what they are.
I always reached out before, now I don't. I have self preservation when before I had none.
My AHsober tries to contact on old times. It is just not there for me. Even with our sons he just pops in and out to want to talk to me about them. There is no intimacy. I think that in the program they tell us to pray for people. In a sense that must release them in their HP's care. I need to be more like you in not contacting my AHsober, married or not. Glad that you have your dogs with you.
