The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I often think what would my life be like if my A Son was not an A. I definately am an enabler. I have cleaned up after my H screwed things up with money, businesses, and all kinds of stuff. I have lied for him, lived hand to mouth with 4 kids while he was so special, he wouldn't run his business from home in a way that could make money, but would mean he had to do some tasks he didn't like. I put up with it all. I didn't persue a career so my H could get my support. and I could raise 4 children. I used to feel like the guy who walks behind the elephants in the circus parade, sweeping up after them. My H eventually grew up and flies right, but then I had 9 years of enabling my A son. The first few years I was in denial, the next few I thought rehabs and a nice girl and a job would be the answer so I was hopeful and now I know the 3 C s and I am trying to detach with love. I don't know where he is. No Phone. I just get nasty cursing emails telling me what a piece of crap I am. the last one said he was done with me. No more emails-Have a nice life. Sweet huh? Would I have had a better time were I not in these circumstances? I don't think so. I think the energy and craziness would have found another unhealthy outlet. But I can't imagine anything making me as miserable as being the mother of an A. So now I have a nice boring part time job to help pay off the rehabs and smashed cars and lawyers. My 3 other kids - 2 are doing real good and one is not too good. I am trying to find some peace and I hope my son will find his. I have nothing to offer him. He doesn't want to know that I love him and want him to recover. Maybe next week.
I don't have an A son, just a AH and ABrother, but wanted to give you a hug and tell you to hang in there. You can't do anything for him except do a good job of taking care of his mother so she can be there for him if he ever does want to get help. Just know you are not alone in this crazy disease.
Love in recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
Well you got there to recovery somehow you got there. I know for me it will be years to pay it all off the damage, 7 years minimum to get to a place where it doesn't haunt me. The odd thing is that now I am planning for a life rather than being haunted by it. I am so glad for you that you got the three c's.
