The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I had no idea that part of my obsessional stuff with the A was about trying to control and influence the uncontrollable.
I met a man recently who I had some common interests with.
He was pretty dogmatic about what he wanted out of the "relationship".
I was open and listened and then at some point he said he had no interest in being around dogs at all. My dogs are as you all know my life basically. A great deal of my time is centered around being around them. I know if I'm around someone who doesn't respect that I'll be back in obsession trying to get my needs met.
I had no idea before where my "choice" came in. I always felt so needy, so desperate, so unworthy. Now I see there are points where I have "choices". If I meet someone who can't respect my needs I can let go (even though I'm lonely).
I can value myself and my needs. Since day one when I met the A he told me endlessly his needs were far more important than mine. They always were, every single second they were. I am no longer willing to go there. It is actually effortless to say ok that's not for me. It is so much harder to get attached and be obsessed with getting a few crumbs out of a stone wall. That's all I ever did before because I had no idea when and if I made a choice. I felt powerless and choiceless.
For many years I felt the same way, stuck in an unlivable situation. I am now starting to see that I have options too. I do not have to continue to live this way. I just have to accept it for now and work from there. I used to try to deny my reality. I spent so much effort on that that my situation never improved. Now I can see it improving with the energy I have to make it happen that I am not wasting trying to control the uncontrollable.
In recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
I spent a lot of time on trying to make people appreciate me. If they don't appreciate me I set tremendous limits now. I really don't take being dumped on day and night anymore.
I love teh THREE C's. They really say it all in a nutshell!
As far as the person who did not want to be around dogs... I think I'd be telling that fella to hit the road. Love my dogs or you dont get the opportunity to love me. For me and my dogs it's a package deal.
Well i can see most of my life I have not had non negotiable items like now certain health issues for me and the dogs. I have always been a total push over because of my abandonment issues. I have been subject to rather than subject of.
