The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Yes, my AH is mad at me for the way I had him removed from our home. He says because the way I was so sneaky about it and why didn't I just talk to him about things. He knows the program of AA and I don't think he is real familiar with Alanon but I just told him that I was scared to tell him because he was either drunk or had been drinking every time I saw him. His anger was increasing by the day and I felt like he was spiraling out of control, at home, not so much at work. As far as I know. He is a functioning alcoholic, for sure. But that also makes it more difficult to make him understand that HE has a problem and it's not everybody else around him. we had no communication what so ever for 3 weeks and that is probably the longest time ever that we have ever had NO communication in our 25 years of knowing each other. I had hoped that time and distance would give him time to think, and it did but only about himself. He is a capable provider, for which I am grateful for. But he feels like we, his family, owe him for that and that makes us his "slaves". We met in high school when we were 14 years old and we both partied, but eventually I grew up and realized that this was not for me. We did do our drinking together for awhile after we were out of high school and we were living together. But he was not violent then. But as time went by he becasme more angry and more aggressive when he would drink. I decided that I wanted to stop drinking so then he would go out afer work and be gone for the night. My depression got the better of me over time and I could barely get out of bed, consumed with what was he doing, why wasn't he coming home etc.. I was not well. But there came a time that he quit drinking for awhile and things seem to turn around for awhile. I was clueless about AA let alone Alanon. I didn't think he was an alcoholic mostly because it seemed like all of our friends drank too, so why couldn't he drink. Now those friends don't drink and are raising families and living their lives. He still drinks. I have been with him through some horrible things and felt like making it to the other side of those things make our relationship stronger. And looking back now, it did. But it also gave him more tools to manipulate me with and I didn't even know it. I worked Alanon for a short while about 5 years ago and began to see the things I had missed. He also had decided to quit drinking so I felt like I really wanted Alanon to help me help him. To support him the proper way. Well that was the wrong thinking. I know that now and I need the support. I want to get better and not be an enabler. I want to get strong in mind and help myself, and if he is helped in some way by that that's fine. I can only offer help to him I can't make him take it. I am getting ready to go to church, for the first time ever by myself. Tonight, I begin the first counseling session for my family, which I offered for him to come to but I highly doubt that he will. I told him that it was the first step in starting to heal the wounds our family has. But my AH is mad at me ohhh and he doesn't trust me and doesn't think he ever will.... That doesn't hurt me as much as he might think it does, given all of the situations I have been in where I didn't trust him either. When those blinders come off man and if he were to get some help, he could possibly be a wonderful man.
Have you read the Getting Them Sober books? They helped me with those things that the A's do and say. Then I could not take everything personally. I don't think we should feel guilty we we finally draw a line to help ourselves.
You must either be a really strong person in general or be working your program minute by minute or both! either way you go girl!!! You sound like you are opening the door and getting out of the way for highter power to make you life ( not necessarily perfect but) healthy and strong. although I understand in alanon we are not supposed to judge our progress by how fast in comes. You just seem to me like someone who will be blessed with "turn arounds" in your life quickly. So on target, so sure of yourself. You are an encouragement to me. Thank you for sharing!!!
I do not see the things you all see in myself. I am truly trying to work this program. I want to get to a f2f meeting. I did go to church by myself this morning and it was wonderful. I am doing more and more things on my own and feeling stronger each time I do that. I just have to remind myself sometimes, how much I have overcome in such a short period of time. It really has been a VERY short period of time but when I knew I was ready I did it. I have regrets but I try to push them away and remind myself I can't change them now I can only deal with the consequences of those actions now. I also pray a lot! A lot!
I felt very dependent upon the alcoholic. Now I do not. I feel more and more independent but its been a long time coming. I feel stronger but vulnerable too. I hope you use all the resources available to you. Do you have any disabilty rights groups around, like a center for independent living. I have been in short term therapy that helped as well. I'd really like to get a team together, clergy/spiritual adviser, support groups, therapist, mentor the works. We depended for so long on undependendable people it is worse than being alone.
