The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Regarding last post: Hope you guys don't get sick of my "drama" but....
I just realized I need to be thankful, I tried to set boundries, he got offended
And he told me so: that is an emotion, He told me about an emotion!!! He told me it made him feel like he was being treated like a baby. He used the word FEEL!!! Huge big wonderful deal!!!
I am so blessed!!!!!!!!
Edit severl hours later: I'm not certain if the telling me he felt he was being treated like a baby was a sincere expression of feelings or some manipulation? But I suppose like I said in previous post: the proof will be in how we live our lives! We will see....
Nice save, Glad. It helps me greatly when things don't go my way and I can still look at the one bright spot in it all and be thankful.
I dont think it matters if he really felt that way or is just manipulating. I know many of my AH's first attempts were less than sincere, but I just tried to treat them as if they were. I had some very bad ways of reacting to my AH's feelings that made ME the one who wasn't safe for him to share with. What a shock that was when I realized that I was a big part of our communication problem (Is there an emoticon for pulling ones hair out in frustration?). I was so frustrated with ME as I had always thought of myself as being somebody people could come to with anything they needed to talk about. My own husband could not tell me even the most mundane thing about how he was feeling because my reactions to everything he said were so over the top, out of control.
So I guess what I'm saying is that any attempt by him I learned to use as practice for acting in a respectful way even though I often had reservations about his intent. I learned to try to let go of his end and just work on my side of the street.
Hope that makes some sense. I am glad you can feel good about recovery today.
In recovery right alongside you,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
The good thing about talking about our feelings on both sides, no one can discount them! In addition, it helps me not to be accusatory when I am explaining my feelings to whoever. I remember that "hurt people hurt people" and so when I am hurting about what someone did to me, I just tell them that "I feel ................." and await their answer. Depending on their answer will help me determine what my next step will be because if I share my feelings with someone that I really care about and their response tells me that they don't care about my feelings then I guess I don't need to spend time with them in many cases.
Way to go Glad, Maria
__________________
If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
In addition, it helps me not to be accusatory when I am explaining my feelings to whoever. I remember that "hurt people hurt people" and so when I am hurting about what someone did to me, I just tell them that "I feel ................." and await their answer. Depending on their answer will help me determine what my next step will be because if I share my feelings with someone that I really care about and their response tells me that they don't care about my feelings then I guess I don't need to spend time with them in many cases.