The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
When do you know if you are really letting go? Or are you just stuffing it? I saw my Ahsober a few times this week. I have to prepare myself ahead of time because he comes, speaks to me about "the weather" type of things and then he is gone. I ask myself have I let go because I turn on my heel and walk home and keep busy. I listen to tapes to stop my obsessive thoughts. Do I really have a boundary and I have let go or am I just coping by stuffing my feelings? I don't know. Two of my sons are coming home this weekend. I haven't seen them since Christmas. I am planning a barbeque on Sunday with their favorite cousins and cooking their favorite foods. And what do I do about their dad? Let go, don't invite him? Send them to his place? Ask them if they want me to invite him? He never invites me to his place. How do you know if you have really let go?
You're practicing and practicing takes time. We don't get it all at once and I got it and am still getting it over years. Progress not perfection. I know when I am stuffing feelings. The warning sign (one of them) is that I get emotionally jammed up and emotionally crazy seesawing up and down and spiraling around. I also get edgy and testy with others. When those signals come up it is time to answer the "What's going on with me" question.
When I was in your situations I knew when I was really letting go because I could get those suprise chance meetings and not get all jumpy and edgy and startled like there was something wrong and it was with me. I could say a genuine hello and how are you doing and then go on my way. The how are you doing questions only required the "short" story not a long one. You know how enablers are...they want the long of it so they can find places to wedge themselves into....that's from my experience as an enabler.
