The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am not dealing with things very well today to be honest..........I am wondering what you guys think about this: I let my 58 yr old A. brother move in with us (thought he was at rock bottom & ready for change) He is here and has already lost a job nearby due to drinking/ fighting (he is a belligerent drunk).....Anyway, I talked to his ex gf in another state today and found out more things and I "think" I want him OUT(that's pretty decisive sounding I know.LOL..but ......I don't really care about "fair" anymore......It is a matter of protecting my young children and my 80 yr old Mother from any further confusion. (I realize that just encourages my codepent diagnosis, but oh well, I m being honest here. He is not going to change and it will just be a matter of time. I tried talking w/ him after the job loss and he wouldn't even say anything.....just stared out into space soberly so......He hasn't even said he was sorry about anything and I am having to pay for his diabetic meds, insulin, etc....He apparently just expects us to take care of him and I don't like this one bit. He is just existing. I think he is a binge drinker and there is nothing he can get in my house as hubby and I don't drink at all. It is amazing in this process, the number of emotions one can experience in one single day. It has been one of those days today........I just keep repeating to myself my Grandmother's saying, "This too shall pass"..... I don't know how to 'do it"...... I really need someone to talk with....
Is there a way to get someone to sponsor me from here...????
I have only been to 2 f2f meetings and am reading the courage to change book now.....it has been truly inspirational, there are just some days like this.....
Glad to hear you are going to meetings and reading.There are meetings on this site too that are great.
"Getting Them Sober" volume one, by Toby Rice Drews is a very good guide.
You are probably very aware that diabetics cannot survive long drinking. How horribly sad he is A and diabetic. Two very dangerous diseases.
His body is already stressed from the diabetes.
The thing is,alanon is to help you to deal with or not deal with the A's in your life.
I can tell you from my own experience,if your bro acts out one time in front of your kids,it could affect them the rest of their lives.
We do not help them when we do anything for them.Bottom is a myth as far as I am concerned. What it is, is when they get so sick they will do anything to get help. But remember relapse is part of recovery. What is bottom? Everytime it is different so to me there is no magic bottom.
For one he wants to stop when he can't hold food down,another becuz she drove drunk with the kids.
We in no way can gauge anything.For that matter,niether can they.
Your gma is so right. He does not apologise hon,probably becuz he has been apologising all his life. He believes it does not matter anymore,no one believes him anyway.
Sadly this thing will probably pass very sadly. I want to tell you he feels terribly guilty,more guilt that we could ever imagine.
It is up to you if you buy his meds.However,if you do,it makes the disease stronger.It can continue to ravage him.
If he could not get them, he might take a job more seriously,he might get so sick he would be hospitalized,detox and have some clean time.
He could die.which he is doing anyway, just slower.NOT much slower.Livers are very unforgiving.
So again you are doing great helping you. I sure relate to the emotions. For me I love my AH who is no longer living with me, but I hate the disease. Of course you want to help him,love him,want to see him be ok. The sad part is, nurturing him,counseling him, though may work for a non A with troubles,is the worst we can do for them.
Hard concept to accept for compassionate people.
The book I mentioned would help ya lots.
Whether we provide meds or not, they are still dieing.we hav zero control over it. zero.
LOVE does not save them. Meaning nurturing, enabling.
It is my belief HP can save them.The creator. But not everyone believes as others.
I invite you to your best to excuse yourself from his drama. Anything to do with his disease, walk away, or think it is not my problem.I won't talk about it, or think about it. Take care of you,gma and the kids.
His disease will drag you ALL down into the pit.It is the nature of it. It felt like a demon in our home when he was here. Horrible.
I still miss my on program husband so very much.
Sometimes people on here will be sponsors. When you feel comfy with someone,ask them.
No one here is going to judge your feelings or thoughts or tell you are "sick here. It is incredibly difficult to live with an active alcholic and not be affected deeply there are ways however with al anon that you can not go insane with it. . We have all been"there" in one way or another. The way to get a sponsor is to build a relationship with someone. I have had a few sponsors, some work, others don't. The issue is to be "willing". There are many very generous, caring, loving people here but no one is going to walk you through this or point out what you "need" to do. You can take suggestions and look at how others have worked their program. The wonder of this program is watching people go through terrible times and come out the other side. There is a great feeling knowing you were "there" for someone.
