The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I went to my first f2f Al-Anon meeting tonight. I cried off and on throughout it but I did speak - childlike though. I bought Courage to Change One Day at a Time in Al-Anon II.
Good for you hon. The hardest part is getting out the door. You did it.
It will get easier as you keep going. Like anything new, many of us feel out of place and alone.
Was brave to share too.
My first few times were tough. Sadly there were too many kids that made it impossible for me to be able to focus.So all my time was spent in meetings on here.Loved it.Hoping to get back into it.
You will enjoy the books. In my c2c I would read an entry,lets say it was about lonliness,so in front I would write, page whatever on lonliness.
That way I would know where to go for certain topics.
I do that with my Bible too.
Anyway I hope you keep going. If you want,you may ask to read the traditions or whatever.
It helps too, to ask someone a question after the meeting.
Now the group hug was hard for me. Made me uncomfy.But I am sure if I kept going I would have felt better about it.
Real hugs are priceless. Hearing another persons voice gives so much more depth to their true meaning and feelings. So often it felt like I had not been heard in my life, that is a pretty common trait for many who enter this program. You gave service by showing up. I've always felt there are few things every human being needs and wants in their life....To be heard, and to find love and laughter again. The more I go, the easier it gets. The tears I cry are healing tears. I finally feel connected to someone and something instead of feeling like the outsider. The days I don't want to show up are the very days I need to the most. I'm so very proud of you for having found the courage, that's huge! The literature that you brought home with you are two of the same books I have. I keep them beside me at the computer and read from each one each day. It's amazing to continue hearing the messages 24/7 by having others wisdom at hand. The gift you've given yourself is also priceless. Hold tight to it, you'll find one day it was perhaps what saved your life.
I believe that crying, in this case, is a sign of feeling safe. Other places in your life may not be safe enough to let the tears out - so it feels kinda weird to experience a place that DOES feel safe.
Crying is not bad. I promise that many, many of us cried at our early meetings. For me it was one meeting a few months in where something hit me and the tears just streamed down my face for 45 minutes, way past the end of the meeting, and the woman who was leading it stayed with me and talked gently with me the whole time. I've seen and heard of others who have cried at every meeting for a time. Like other things in alanon, it's whatever is right for you. I promise nobody thinks it's weird - some of them have been in exactly the same place.
I think you picked 2 great books. I like the daily readers as first purchases, because they're just bite-sized..... you don't have to feel overwhelmed by a whole chapter or section, there's just a small page and bingo, I have my bit of alanon for the day. Also I learned that they are indexed by topic in the back, so this helped me with identifying my feelings - I could read through the index and say, no, I'm not exactly angry... frustration, yes, that's it - and I go and read the pages for that topic.
My first alanon meeting was my first step toward finding personal peace and well being regardless of others actions.
Whatever your situation I encourage you to keep going back this program works if you work it- and you are allowed to do so as you feel comfortable... unlike so many other things in life. It's your program take what you like leave the rest trust your higher power (as you see him) to help you.
I had several reasons I was unsure if I would go back to another meeting at first, but for some reason did (higher power at work).
I was not raised around alchohol - actually my parents were best known for their "superior christian ways", (while my mom beat us in horrible ways, used guilt to manipulate us and convinced my dad and everyone around what a persecuted little princess she was ) I keep thinking ....where did she hide the bottles??? or was it something else or someone else... anyway I don't know the connection but I know alanon is where I need to be. -- Ive been living with an active drinker for five years too. Wonder why I chose to do that??
I sometimes still cry uncontrolably at meetings and every time I get acceptance and support and love!!
As for speaking in "child like" ways, it may be the children in us that need to speak sometime. Or perhaps I just feel vulnerable and child like when I speak..I don't know. But I do feel the same way sometimes. But I am willing to do what I need to do to recover and feel I have found a safe place to work on me.
I encourage you to read your book daily, get other books when you can, go to as many face to face meetings as you can. Accept the friendship of those that reach out- Find the love for yourself you deserve!! It is changing my life step by step...
I attended my first alanon meerting to day to. I joined in the best I could even though i felt very uncomfortable. I think it was adrenaline that got me through.
Really glad you went. It will get easier (I hope)
Im not really a person to cry. Not in public anyway. Maybe when I calm down I will be able to show emotion lol but with all that adrenalin in my body i felt high so to speak.
As others have said the hardest part of taking care of yourself it that first step through the door... the meetings are a safe place... and if crying or listening or speaking is how you are moved... it is right... and it is good.
However the moment guides you is fine... there are no shoulds in Al-Anon... *smile*
I am a 43 year old father of 2... and I have cried... I have sat quietly and just listened... and I have shared my thoughts from heart wrenching to side splitting humor. Whatever the spirit moves in me... that is where I go, and I grow each time.
Whats more... I pay attention as others share, becuase more times than not... I hear in them, what I need for me...
You are doing a wonderful thing for yourself... its a great gift to seek a better way of life for you... and it works if you work it!
Take care of you!
__________________
"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
I cried through my first meeting too. But I found a room full of friends who made me feel welcome and safe. I realized from the start that I was "home".
Congratulations on your first f2f meeting. I read Courage to Change every day. I find that most of the time it really relates to what I am going through right at that moment.
Take Care of yourself.
Love,
Claudia
__________________
A person's a person no matter how small --Dr Suess
I bought Courage to Change One Day at a Time in Al-Anon II. 
