The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The A who I was once with calls maybe once every six weeks. No matter what I do or say he keeps up the calls. In his law of averages he feels I am sure that eventually I'll break down and feel sorry for him or say something that will somehow engage him. My only recourse through all this has to be really diligent about not knowing what he is doing, where he is, what he is facing and really adhering to that. I really absolutely believe if I allow myself to be drawn in in some way I'll be right back there. He can still get under my skin.
I'm pretty much turned him over to his higher power. I wish I could have done that years ago but it wasn't in my make up then, now it is. I can't say it is all plain sailing. I have less and less moments of real bitter resentment of him mainly because he is no longer allowed to dominate my life. There are still times when I think how could I? what should I? I really try not to "should" on myslef anymore. A friend of mine has managed that for 15 years. I maybe manage it for a week at a time at best. Nevertheless that's better than the way I used to speak to myself which was really horrible.
mary I met you frozen in a small space with a very sick A. messaging all about the A, never you.
I saw you scared you were homeless, finding a place to be.
wanting your animals, grieving your losses, looking for work, making pennies stretch.
gradually pulling away from a. but still enabling,finding him a home,talking to him, still allowing the disease to pull you down.
beginning to support and listen to others.
To getting a different place,getting your animals. looking for the positive.dealing with creapy housemates.
no longer allowing the disease to make you sick,growing and growing in Alanon and now sharing and supporting others all the time.
Now you coming to great conclusions, "it was not in y makeup then." awesome.
You stuck to your heart, and YOU, fought to get and keep your animals, did not allow anyone to change your mind about that,knowing it was very important to you.
That took courage and conviction Mary. You know how we and others fight to keep our animals. Not everyone has that kind of passion. that is ok too. but you stuck to your guns and had ovaries about it!
You are a miracle of a different color. I mean you did not allow the A to squash you, you were alone and lonely but kept going.
I know lonliness still tugs at you, but I know I really do, there are so many miracles for you becuz you keep looking for them.
hmmm what next? finances will get better,homelife will change to the better.... hugs lady, love,debilyn
Hi Debilyn: thank you for the feedback. My life is infinitely better thanks to being in al anon. Everything helps but it really helps to work the program. The company of my darling animals helps even though I miss my Benny cat a great deal. I know my animals are doing so much better than they were last summer when they were homeless and neglected and desperate. I could not abandon them then no matter how much hardship its been for me. I will find a way through these obstacles much as I did find my way out of the morass of despair last summer. I never thought I would make it out of that so I know I can make it out of this one too.
