The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
my birthday was on Friday and Mothers Day is today and it has been a miserable weekend. Let's start with Friday. My home health aide didn't acknowledge my birthday the entire day and she had plenty of chances cause it was acknowledged all day by other people. Now, I've always thought that if you knew it was someone's bday that you wished them well out of courtesy, but I consider this woman a friend so that is why I am hurt not to mention mad. My partner thinks that I somehow caused the oversight. That pours salt into the wound because, well, it just does. Now, onto mothers day. My relationship with my mom has never been good but on days like today I miss her and that leaves me feeling raw. I'm thinkling about how wish things were but they aren't. That hurts. I'm whining and I'm sorry
So sorry you are not enjoying the day, but you are not alone. I have had a miserable day also. And I suspect that if we could hear a report from thousands of other women today throughout this country we would hear the "whine". I understand your hurt completely.
Since my EXDIL is upset with me because I dared to express my own opinion on something she was making my business and shouldn't have, she has with held my sweet grandbaby, age 3, from seeing me today. His father, my son, only gets to see the child when I do. I have spent hours and hours and hours taking care of the child, seeing to his needs, and helping this woman out. But when she gets upset, watch out. All that falls by the wayside and she will punish you. Today is Mother's Day and she keeps the child from me. How about that? I am hurt and admit it freely.
My own mom just died eight weeks ago; I miss her today. My son got upset with me this morning on the phone and hung up on me. My husband wished me well this morning, knowing fully well I had just as soon forget this day. He wasn't sincere anyway; he has never been one to celebrate any special days.
So, I feel your pain, seekingserenity, and I am sorry for it. I am glad you posted and let the pain out somewhere because that is what we have to do. Hang on, take a deep breath, and hope for a better tomorrow.
Well, I am right there with you both. Yesterday I went to a f2f meeting and left determined to keep and "open heart" and not think that I would be disappointed today. I thought maybe if I just relax and flow it might turn out....nice. Well, no acknowledgement from AH, nothing from 16 yr. old. I went to yoga, walked the dog twice, cleaned the bathroom and am now doing laundry and feeling sad.
I know my AH and son have done things for me on Mother's Day. Yesterday I kept asking myself, why do I expect to be disappointed? That was when I thought maybe if I don't expect to be disappointed I won't be. Well didn't work out.
I've done it the other way too...mentioned it a week ahead of time and told him what I want. But that doesn't feel right either. Just hating all this.
I am trying not to dump myself into despair today.
I'm not a mother, and my mom lives some 3000 miles away... and I really miss her and wish I could be there to spend time with her and the rest of my family. I did call her today, of course, to wish her a great day, though. I am happy she's doing well, and I'm happy for her that she has my dad and my brother there to spend time with her.
But right now I'm recognizing the "I feel sorry for myself" path my mind is trying to take me down today... and I think I need to put a halt to it. NOW.
I'm going to take out my journal and be sure to write down a gratitude list... a goal of a LEAST three things to be grateful for today... and my sponsor told me "don't just stop yourself at three if you can think of more things to be grateful for!" so that's what I'm going to do. Write down at least three things I'm grateful for and keep it up if I can think of more... and if I can't think of more... that's fine, but at least I pull myself out of the "woe is me" martyrdom role into the role of being a happy and serene person.
And after I'm done with that gratitude list, I think I need to do something that I know makes me happy. Maybe watch a funny movie, go for a bike ride, do some art... something that makes me feel good.
I really need to keep reading that one great paragraph on my "Just For Today" bookmark:
Just for today I will be happy. This assumes to be true what Abraham Lincoln said, that "Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be."
Really, in all honesty, I'm starting to dislike holidays where the commercial and hollywood worlds love to make everyone feel like if they don't get gifts and love showered on them by other people on these certain "special" days, then they're suddenly diminished somehow.
They HEAVILY feed into codependency and once again set us up to look outside of ourselves to seek happiness instead of within and to our HP.
I had a hard time with not feeling hard done by, a victim, swallowed up in self pity. For me its an open loop, one I never seem to get out of and the loops go down a chain of eventually being so depressed I can't get out of bed.
So I try pretty hard not to be in self pity mode. I have to admit its a discipline. I can be there in a nanosecond, its automatic and quite difficult not to go there but then I don't have anything else to do these days but get better and I'm determined to get there.
