((Oh Cara))

Since you are asking, I will tell you based on my experience - DON'T DO IT! He wants to come home to support his disease. He is not "different" than everyone else there. I'd be willing to bet that the majority of people who enter rehab don't want to stay.

MY AH is an alcoholic as well as a pain med addict. From the addicts I have talked to, they say the drug addiction is way more impulsive/compulsive than the alcohol. No way can you conquer it just because you should or want to. 5 days is nothing, heck, neither is 20 yrs when you are talking about the horrible disease of addiction.

My AH was forced into rehab, did not want to do it so much that he got kicked out 1/3 of the way through. The experience at least interupted the disease and planted a seed. He voluntarily entered an intensive intervention program 9 months later to save his license, but is still a sick man substituting the alcohol/drugs with a different addiction, and that is with going to 1-2 programs every day.

When my AH was in rehab they advised that the A should not go home after rehab no matter what. They need a sober living environment. "Can't go back to an old idea". You and your family need to learn, heal and do different too.

Rehab isn't the answer, but it certainly is something. I know how convincing and manipulative the A/addict can be. I have 3 kids and our intense love for them makes us want to make it all better. The guilt we feel and that they can lay upon us certainly doesn't help, but right now the greatest love you can give him is to let him be.

Please be strong. Your son needs to be on his own with this one. If you haven't gone to any f2f meetings yet, I suggest you do, as many as you can. Tell your story, ask for help. So many are and have been in your shoes. The wisdom from their experience, strength and hope is invaluable.

Blessings,
Lou


-- Edited by Loupiness at 12:59, 2008-05-11

((((((Cara))))))))))),

This is from an Alanon pamphlet:  You can replace alcoholic with addict.  Get to as many meetings as you can.

Keep coming.  yours in recovery,
Maria

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Family.

I am an alcoholic, I need your help.  Don't lecture me, blame or scold me.  You wouldn't be angry at me for having TB or diabetes.  Alcoholism is a disease too.

 Don't pour out my liquor; it's a waste because I can always find ways of getting more.  Don't let me provoke your anger.  If you attack me verbally or physically, you will only confirm my bad opinion about myself.

I hate myself enough already.  Don't let your love and anxiety for me lead you into doing what I ought to do for myself.  If you assume my responsibilities, you make my failure to assume them permanent.

My sense of guilt will be increased, and you will feel resentful.  Don't accept my promises.  I'll promise anything to get off the hook.  But the nature of my illness prevents me from keeping my promises, even though I mean them at the time.  Don't make empty threats.

Once you have made a decision, stick to it.  Don't believe everything I tell you; it may be a lie.  Denial of reality is a symptom of my illness.  Moreover, I'm likely to lose respect for those I can fool easily and u know it.

 

Don't let me take advantage of you or exploit you in any way.  Love cannot exist for long without the dimension of justice.  Don't cover up for me or try in any way to spare me the consequences of my drinking.  Don't lie for me, pay my bills, or meet my obligations.  It may avert or reduce the very crisis that would prompt me to seek help.

I can continue to deny that I have a drinking problem as long as you provide an automatic escape for the consequences of my drinking.  Above all, do learn all you can about alcoholism and your role in relation to me.

Go to open AA meetings when you can.  Attend Al-Anon meetings regularly, read the literature and keep in touch with al-anon members.  They're the people who can help you see the whole situation clearly.

I love you. Your Alcoholic

 

I heard recently that a young man I know was in rehab. He's been there for months.  I know for certain that there is no way he can go back to where he lived before.

What are the options. Why do you have to make the choice?  Why doesn't he come with a plan. For me it was absolutely disastorous whenever I rescued the A, they soon drew me into bigger and bigger holes.

Allowing your son the dignity to get out of this "mess" on his own is so crucial.

Maresie.