The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I wrote about my AB moving in w/ us at assumed rock bottom and messing up again. I wrote letter to him w no response. He will not talk about anything. I went to my 2nd AlAnon f2f mtg tonight. I realize that I am to focus on me and live for today only. But this will take much practice for me. I cannot help but try to think ahead. Do I just allow him to lie around the house. There is no alcohol in my home and he doesn't have a car and can't drive due to no license (DUI x 4) so he is going to have withdrawals I guess. I think he's more of a binge type drinker, but what do i know---newbie me.... He is helpful around the house right now as he is in the guilty mode......It has been 4 days since his drunk episode and since he lost his job. Just allow him to sit here and detox?? I did go to Al Anon tonight where I know I will put into practice the act of only focusing on one day at time. It is so difficult. I know i need to focus on ME not him and lower my expectations, soooo in the meantime, just allow him to exist here in my home or ??? Thanks for any thoughts.....This is really a special place!
i remember posting a similar post whilst i was in the middle of my A's binges. And when it was late at night and i was going insane, the mip chat room helped so much. Its such a helpless feeling that we have in the middle of it all...and it is so hard to remove yourself from the immediate situation...But it can be done. There are so many wise people here who make it a whole lot easier...listening to their experiances and how they have coped helps you find your own special way of dealing with it.
Jorbax, I agree with Arty. But, something else you can also do is click on "search" at the top of this page, and have all the post that have been written on a particular subject all in front of you. Detachment might be a good word to type in. You are going to Al-Anon, posting on MIP, and I hope turning it over to your HP. That isn't a baby step, it's a giant step. I'm proud of you.Rodney
One way I turned the focus on me was to get Al-Anon literature and read, read, read. Any time I felt myself starting to obsess, I would get out a book and read. It helped.
In recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
It is good that you are here, and have found this family. We are all here because we have been affected by alcohol and the disease that taints us all with its fallout.
In Al-anon we have a twelve step programme, which is the way to go and helps one focus. The first step is:
1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.
This is where you are at, on the bottom step, needing to realise that you are powerless over your AB, and you are finding that it is affecting your life (that our lives had become unmanageable) in that you have taken him in but you are not getting responses that you had hoped for.
He is in the throes of a disease and those around him will be affected too. It is a disease, see if you can hold that thought and have compassion, however at the same time, you are affected by that disease; have compassion for yourself and your family too. He is sick, and the sickness is impregnating your whole family too.
One day at a time is the only way forward. The future is too far away.
I will keep you in my prayers and ask that the God of my understanding (Higher Power - HP) will help you to take that step two.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
In the meantime, I find it helpful to keep on saying the following Al-anon prayer at the times I am most vulnerable:
Serenity Prayer God grant me the Serenity, to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can and Wisdom to know the difference.
Keep on coming back, and as others have suggested before, read, read, and read.
Suzannah
-- Edited by Suzannah at 03:40, 2008-05-10
__________________
Out of the ruin of my past I have found the fortress of myself and I know how to defend it.
Strive for WISDOM; Seek SERENITY; NEVER compromise your INTEGRITY.
Good on the face to face Al-Anon meetings and normal that they would result in some tension and stress. This program is about change and for me change can sometimes be my worse nightmare...necessary change that is. I can also see the projecting into the future which was also big for me....What now? What if she? etc. Again that's normal cause the focus is still on the alcoholic in the house or the "Elephant in the livingroom"...huge bugger!! Watchout for the vases...don't sit on the coffee table...oooh don't do that on the rug!
Get the alcoholism out in the open don't hesitate to bring up what is real and your awareness of it cause this disease just loves denial and silence and the need to have it's victims walk on eggshells.
Alcoholics can work!! You got things to do? Real things? Hand him a list of real things to do...not because he is an alcoholic but because the things need to be done and you need help with them...and then let him do it the best way he knows how. He's 58 yoa? He's got experience and you'd be surprised at how hard they work to get the alcoholic and the hoops they will jump thru to do that.
Keep coming back...You are so willing and humble and honest.
