The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So, my A fiance ended his sober streak tonight. He came home from work with "two beers." (I couldn't help but notice that hey were two 24 oz cans, which is four beers to a normal person.) Of course he was "just going to drink one and not buy any more." (Of course he just went out and bought more.)
He tried to make it seem like a normal night, trying to get me to talk about my day, talking about watching a movie together... Of course I was resentful and sullen and responded just enough to be civil. I was aaaaangry! I asked what he wanted to do about dinner, and of course he said he just wants a sandwich (meaning he'll drink his dinner.) Then I got upset about that! (I was starving, by the way. Yeah, HALT)
Then, as I was eating my very yummy dinner that I had made for myself, I thought "SO WHAT?!" So what if he wants to drink his dinner tonight? So what if he's going to feel like crap tomorrow? So what if he goes back out to get more beer? So what if this is the beginning of another spiral? IT'S NOT MY PROBLEM! I can have a perfectly reasonable night and do things that sound fun to me and enjoy myself BECAUSE IT'S NOT MY PROBLEM! I was grinning as I was eating my dinner.
I'm freeee! Here's to detachment, ya'll! I finally get it!
__________________
"It's a job that's never started that takes the longest to finish."
~ J. R. R. Tolkien
And I was laughing when I read your post about his just having "two beers" - oooh, my AH has brought home the jumbo 24-ouncers, too. "It's only one drink." LOL.
But I'm so happy for you that you were able to let go! It is NOT easy, especially when we start off feeling resentful. It can tailspin in the wrong direction, and you put a "HALT" to it and turned it around!
I so absolutely HATE it when my AHsober does those crazy alcoholic things and then wants to make small talk as if nothing is happening. HATE it, puts me over the edge. Is he stupid? Doesn't he know what he is doing?
