The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am unable to get to a face to face meetings I have tried to find ones that allow children but w/o success. I am to the website out of complete desire for a way to help myself and get some answers and vent when i have to. All of you have been wonderful I have no one else to talk to about all this except gor every caring and supportive person on here. I want all of you to know that everytinh u tell me and share with me means so very much to me. the only person i really talk to is my dog and my 4 y.o. daughter.
My dog always listens but never has a response excepy for a lick on the face..lol...
Anyway I do know i have to work on myself first but where do I start? I know very little about the 12 steps. I hace been dealing with so much I Cant seem to just concentrate on one thing . I read so much and hear so many things but I am Unaware how to start the healing process.
It feels like there is so much going on and I am opening doors that I never knew exsited.
I keep and saying the same thing over and over again in my posts, but it is because I am so lost and frustrated. I think I really need someone to give me one on one direction a mentor? Or is that being needy? I just need someone or something to lead me into the right direction and help me sort all of the confusion going on in my head so i am focus on one thing at a time..
Things are really really bad and I am so scaed that if I don't get direction and support that I am gonna just gonnna give up allow my husband to come back home and furher destroy my life and my daughter's.
I know that i have to keep being strng but it is so hard and again I am in total confusion. I know i can not allow myself or my daughter to be hurt and neglected by my Husband.
Please someone something help me find direction. I am begging for help. I really do not know how to start the process.
Is there really a magical wizard at the end of the yellow brick road?
You have already started. The first step is, "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become unmanageable." Those of use who live and work this miraculous program as a substitute for our old lives all started with this awareness. What follows is "surrendering or abandoning" our selves and our attempts at controlling our alcoholics or anyone else for that matter and their lives and behaviors in favor of a relationship to a Power Greater than ourselves. (The start of humility, faith, trust, belief, dependence, reliance etc., on something other than our weak non-successful management beliefs, styles and habits.) It has been suggested that we find a "God" of our own understanding (personal) as our Higher Power and that often times also takes small steps and changes. Step two is; "Came to believe that a Power Greater than ourselves could lead us to sanity." Sanity is the most important subject here for besides all other proof it can be considered insane to try to get a normal existence out of drunk or the condition of being under the influence of a mind, mood, physical, spiritual chemical altered existence. The drunk is a person and not a normal person...they are and we are altered. Step three is "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him." This is the decision process. You sound as if you are at the decision point. You know you need help...you want help and you are reaching out for it.
The first three steps are often times summarized as the "Trust God" steps. The next next 8 steps are summarized as the "Clean House" steps and the 12th step; "The help others step" and the step that has attracted you to this group. This is the start of your own personal miracle. It is very very unlikely that you can make great strides alone as this site proves. We all help each other make and gain stride (progress).
I would suggest that you get a copy of "How Al-Anon Works; for the familes and friends of alcoholics." This is the "Big Book" of the Al-Anon Family Groups that is universal. The first 132 pages will give you a very clear picture of this awesome program of recovery. You can find the book in literature on the home page or you might find it in your library, local meetings, book stores or even used book store. Along with Conference Approved Literature (CAL) which includes all the approved literature of this program there are various sites that program practicing members attend to. Program practicing members work and live this program as it is suggested. We change as a result of following suggestions from other successful members and for sure old timers who still continue to live the program as the foundation of their daily lives. These are the people I hang around with because they were the people who's suggestions and example saved my life.
Sooooo this is my Experience, Strength and Hope and suggestions. There is more coming. Listen to the "more coming" take what you like, leave the rest for when ever and ponder the suggestions that are given. Don't be afraid to have questions or to ask them on the board, at the meeting or on the Personal Messaging. This is an involuntary program; a you don't have to program; a choice program. You get to choose the outcomes you want with the understanding that the outcomes you already have also have been your choice and are now not acceptable. In order to get different outcomes all you do is do different stuff. It's great to know that you can choose ahead of time what it is that you want and then do what is necessary to get that.
That is what you have just done. Tricky huh?
I was told to keep coming back. I know that it worked for me so I suggest you do that...It may work for you also.
(((((hugs)))))
PS....almost forgot. As for majical wizard? I have never heard that there was one however there have been times when that title could fit both my HP and my program sponsor.
Hello and welcome to MIP. Dogs have unconditional love, sometimes that is what we need most when dealing with this disease.
As Jerry has said, get some CAL (conference approved literature). I recommend One Day At A Time in AlAnon (ODAT), and also Courage To Change. These are both daily readings. They have messages of strength and inspiration to aid in your recovery. I read the daily passage from each of these to start my day, and I can't tell you how many times the passage has spoken directly into my life for what I am going through at that time. I also recommend How AlAnon works. These can be ordered from the Home Page or also from Amazon.
Just by coming here you have made your first step toward recovery. Keep coming back, we will always be here for you.
Love,
Claudia
__________________
A person's a person no matter how small --Dr Suess
There is a newcomer packet that is available at f2f or, if you can't make it to one, can be ordered from al-anon.alateen.org - that has several good pamphlets in it. If you do order one, I would also order the little flier on detachment, and maybe the Just for Today bookmark.
There are meetings online here and other places too - check out ola-is.org (that stands for On Line Alanon - Info Service).
Above all, as the others have said, you've already started - reaching out for help is one of the most powerful tools there is. Keep coming back - and Welcome
PS after you've been coming to online meetings for awhile, you can ask someone to be your online sponsor - I personally believe f2f sponsors are better when possible, but sometimes it's not possible, and I know several people who've been very pleased with online sponsorship.
NO one here is going to chastise you about being upset. We have all been "there" in some shape or form.
Post as often as you want.
There is no "magic" formula. There are however tools that help a lot, detaching is one thing.
I do know well about being beaten down by an alcoholic who is active, we all do. You are not speaking to those who do not understand. We have all "been" there, done that and more.
I've been here 3 years its been very very very hard but it is better, much much much better for me.
I took the A back a lot of times now I don't. I don't regret taking him back.
