The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I recently rediscovered my love and kindness and became once again comfortable with that being my nature. Of course, that is so much due to my program and my wonderful support. I have some incredible direct support from my family, my sponsor and those I guess I could call my chorus of positives, and of course all my fellow alanons. What I am still struggling with is the comparison to those unloving and unkind. I am coming to terms with everyone having a "nature" (positive or negative) that has sometimes been nurtured and sometimes been put down. The how and why's of that come with serenity for the individual and their choices. I am ready to accept that some are content with being unloving and unkind and I know that happiness loves company, too.
So, the story for those who haven't heard it.
A scorpion was at the edge of a brook and wanted to cross and a frog was floating by on a lilly pad
The scorpion yealled out to the frog asking for a ride across the brook
The frog declined and said "if I carry you across you will sting me"
The scorpion said "no way - if I do that, you will die and I will drown"
The frog did the math and said "ok, I'll give you a ride"
The frog swam over and the scorpion jumped on his bace abd they started across
Halfway across the frog felt a shar pain in his back and knew he was stung and said "you promised and besides, now you will die, too. Why would you do that?"
The scorpion replied "I'm a scorpion - it's my nature"
Well, in my humble opinion, there is nothing wrong with helping someone across the brook - or perhaps the bridge as we call it. I will gladly lay out a series of lilly pads and wait in the light on the other side. My love and kindness is now something I share and do not give away. Any more than I will give away my serenity. I am still part of a fellowship pf people be they in my life or not and have all the lilly pads that anyone wants if they choose to cross the brook for themselves.
Norwood...and there is another version that tells of the frog considering his consequences and how helping the scorpion would be good for both of them. He agrees to help the scorpion and then brings the scorpion it's own lily pad.
Another originial version of this metaphor I heard in the program was the alcoholic spouse of a woman came home and plopped himself into his favorite easy chair, took off his shoes and put on his slippers that his spouse had laid near by, grabbed the tv remote and turned on the tv to his favorite channel and relaxed with the news paper. His spouse came into the room and asked him how his day went and he related that it was okay but could be better. She attempted to tell him how her went and he cut her short saying he was tired and could she just bring him a drink. She smiled, left the room and returned handing him a glass of icewater. He squinched up his face upon taking a sip and asked her, "what's this supposed to be?" She smiled and replied...your drink.
We can help...we can enable. Helping is better it doesn't sting as much.
My Dad always said He would always help anyone who would help themselves. I have practiced that through out my life. It should be a two way street. Sometimes we think we are doing just that with the A in our lives, only to find out that most of the time we are the frog and the active A in our lives is the scoprion. I'm not always the frog, and my A is not always the scorpion. But, boy do I wish she would find a lilly pad, and make it to the other side. One day maybe she will. Until then you know the rest, I have my HP, Al-Anon, and MIP. Thanks, Rodney
wow I have just been chatting on the phone to a friend how i am the only person who can see good in my A. For 3 years I have tried to love him unconditionally, suppot him etc only to get stung over and over. I have studied child development and this pos and neg attitude you talk about I believe is formed through our child hood if we are loved secure we see the world as positive we love. If we have bad attachments negative relationships the opposite is true. How can you love yourself if you have never been shhown love. My problem is I love them to much want to rescue. I am finally taking care of me I do not hate my A even though he has hurt me deeply because in a way I can see past it all understanding as ever. I am just beginning to love myself more I have to. If he gets in touch its been 2 weeks I will tell him I love him but must protect me I already set a boudary I wont have alocohol in my life that why he has not been in touch broke promise. Its so sad I know he loves me but carn't love anyone to messed up
That story reminds me of the A's too. The A's do what the A's do, they drink. It's their "nature" and expecting anything different, without a commitment to a program, is just plain silly.
Why is it that some people see it so clearly and others do not?
Thanks for sharing, your Wilson
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
