The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hello All, have not posted in a week or so but have kept up on the reading here....always such a big help...seems like when Im about at the end of my rope I can come here and read for a bit and it helps to calm me. LOTS of changes in my household the past week or so....I made up my mind that I will no longer do the things I dont want to do or feel like I shouldnt HAVE to do....needless to say that didnt go over well with the people that were used to the free ride and made some mad...but good things have come from that also, oldest son,wife and baby were staying at my house for awhile, kept talking about getting their own place but never bothered to cause then they would lose their free housing,built in maid,cook,taxi driver, babysitter....ect..I have been trying hard to work on myself and one of the things I have been working on is control....but I felt and still do that if you live in my home you need to do your share of the work and that wasnt happening, I work atleast 8 hrs a day, pay all the bills, buy the food, cook it, clean up afterwords and am mad the whole time....so when I put my foot down and spelled out the way MY home is going to run they didnt like it....so THEY MOVED OUT!!!! LOL The good news is...it took them 2 days to find an apt and both get jobs that are different shifts so no need for a babysitter!!! For the first day or so I felt guilty....I have always been there for them....what will they do without me ??? LOL THEY WILL STAND ON THEIR OWN!!! Even without me there to hold them up!!! I miss them but I realize I did the best I could and thats the end of it....I will help if and when they ask but until then I will sit here proud of all of us.....missing them and the baby but enjoying my time alone.
Parents who don't to this for their children are making the adult children "disabled" and only hurting them. You just did the most loving thing you could do which is tell them you respect them enought to believe they can and will make a good life for themselves.
Good luck on not feeling lonely and slipping back into "caretaker" mode. I know YOU can do it. HOpe you find lots of fun new things to do so when you interact with them it can be as adults enjoying eachothers company NOT as little children and Mom- the provider. Mom the friend, Mom the person who respects them.
Pretty impressive. I was a push over all my life and a really compulsive people pleaser till I came to al anon. Its taken me a lot of years to even put in place some small boundaries.
