The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Thankyou for the posts from the other nite. I have tried to call my son re: separting from his wife. I left messages on his cell phone. I don't want to call his home-I feel that I would be interfering with his wife and him. I would love to take the kids for the evening...........I am trying to LEt Go and Let GOD. I don't know why he won't call me-he tells me all these things on Sat. nite-and now I sit and wonder what is happening. When does the "joy" start and the "anxiety" end in this life?? I guess I know the answer to that-we make our won happiness--it's so hard.
I remember that tough place myself...nasty nasty nasty. I hated not knowing cause knowing gave me an illusion of power over the problem. It was just that an illusion.
The joy came when I started "getting" how to turn it all over including myself to my Higher Power and detaching from it all. Detaching from myself was when I slowed down and then stopped taking myself so seriously.
Keep remembering the pain. It comes in handy later to help keep yourself at arms length and even farther from things you did cause, can't control and can't cure.
I have been and still am where you are for the past two years. My son and his wife are divorced, unfriendly, a child is involved, and I got enmeshed up to my eyeballs. It only made life harder for me and my spouse. We suffer from knowing too much!! And that is our own fault.
My ESH is this: stand by.....let him come to you.....stay as close as you can to your grandchildren and let them be the focus.....you cannot do a thing to prevent this divorce if it is to happen.
I have some really bad days and have had them this week. It takes all my power to step back and detach from the situation. You are not alone; you are joining a huge club of parents who grieve over the broken lives of their adult children and grandchildren. It is a club you don't want to join, but membership can be your choice..... you don't have to be an active member. Just stand by for the grandchildren. That is "what else" you can do. Stand by. When your son needs you, he will definitely dial your number.
