The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Its been years. I have struggled and massaged and contorted and tried and suffered and did every thing imaginable regarding puzzling over this question: to stay or to leave. I finally am ready. It just came to me one morning after I woke up: I am ready to move on. I deserve better. Even if I am driven to living on the street, it will be better than being legally yoked to him.
We have not lived together for over two years. We have a history of domestic abuse. We basically terrorized each other the entire time we were married. This is not the life I want anymore. I am ready for a new chapter. I have spent a lot of time looking at my part in the terrorizing and will continue to, thanks to al-anon and therapy and my spiritual practice.
I have a 4th step scheduled for this afternoon and into the evening. I have a lot to clean up both here in me and elsewhere. I made an appointment with a good divorce attorney for May 20th. It was hard but I want this. I am ready, like I said. I love me more than him and its time to put me first. I am happy joyous and free thanks to this program and partially because he is 5000 miles away and I do not need to respond to email or answer the phone if I choose not to.
Nothing has changed. He still thinks I am the messed up one, the unacceptable one. I have had enough of the judging, blame and accusations. I simply can no longer live with it- why should I? Why should ANYONE?
All I can do is work on myself one day at a time and keep the focus on me.
I want to thank everyone here for being such a significant part of my recovery. Hugs, J.
I know how you feel. Mine will be final on cinco de mayo! It's a hard decision to come to. Funny how it just kind of jumps up and one day you are ready out of the blue. That's how I felt too, my ducks were never in a row though, but now finally they are.
Jean I know you have read some of my post and say you relate. Like you I am taking care of me I skippped across the car park in work today he has only been gone 10 days and already my life is more manageable. Half of the pain is letting go Only you know the life you want I hope the rest of it brings all your dreams into reality take care of u
(((((Jean)))))) How wonderful that you've come to a place of letting go of what isn't beautiful and useful to your life. We only go around once - and you're too special of a human being to settle for anything or anyone who gives you less than you give them.
the A called me the messe dup one for years. For years he told everyone he wanted rid of me. I told him on one of the last phone messages I left him. I'm gone, you said you wanted me gone. goodbye. He still called back. I have now adopted a response of total non response.
I now put me in the equation. I had to go to al anon to learn to do that.
I'm glad you are ready. I hope it won't be too difficult. My break off is difficult for me on many levels but the longer I stayed the more diffficult it became.
I know what it's like to be in your shoes. I went through a divorce several years ago. It was the hardest decision I EVER had to make, but I'm moving on with my life now and it's a lot better. I had to get away from the madness of my ex's addictions, etc. It's been a roller coaster ride (especially going through the actual divorce and having to deal with the lawyers, etc. It gets rough.), but things are good now. We separated 5 years ago, divorced nearly 4 years ago. It took awhile to recover - it's a process... a slow one (I'm still in it, I suppose, I was with my ex 25 years), but if you are true to yourself and give yourself the time you need to get past it... you will do well. Take it slow! I'm in a much better place now and I'm very thankful for that. I'm especially glad that I wasn't tempted to jump straight into another relationship! What a mistake that would have been for me! My ex is already re-married. He didn't waste any time. I decided I wasn't going to do that until I was good and ready - "IF" ever. I'm not there yet, but I'm cool with that. I've learned that it's really okay to be single. It's really not bad! For now, I'm enjoying it. Learning to be content with where I am right now has been another great thing! Anyway.... I just wanted to give you a little hope. Best of luck to you! ET
Yeah, i do not know where the money is going to come from to pay the lawyer (I can afford her first visit fee) but I really do not care right now- I just know its what I have to do. I gotta get this ball rolling. J.
It's difficult to finally acknowledge that your relationship cannot be what you need it to be, and to be ready to let go. You took the time you needed to make the decision, and are doing it for you. Kudos to you for bettering yourself in the process and choosing not to enter the insanity again. Regardless, it is still sad, for no matter how dysfunctional the A is now, you loved him and the loss radiates on many levels.
Not much I can say about the divorce process since I am just at the beginning stages, but I have concluded that doing the research to find a well-recommened attorney for representation is well worth the effort and money.
You have such courage and strength. I am very proud of you.
Blessings, Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
