The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
He left. I gave him a choice booze or his familey and he left. I cant describ how I feel. Deverstated is a little of an understatment. Feels like he has ripped my heart out and stammped on it.
He said he wont let me rule his life he is going to drink with or without me and I expect him to be a man he isnt.
He said he doesn't have a problem because he doesnt get drunk every night and he just proved that he didnt need booze for 2 weeks. Which in those 2 weeks he craved it and couldnt stop eating sugar. To me he has just proved he has a problem by walking out on his familey.
I think I will set up camp in the chat room tonight. Love you all.
(((((((mum2))))))) I'm SO sorry you are having to endure this. His disease is doing the talking (and the walking) for him today. He is powerless of alcohol and his life has become unmanageable. Clearly. You are also powerless over him and his alcoholism. YOU ARE POWERLESS OVER THAT. So glad you've decided to set up camp in the chat room tonight. You need al-anon support right now. You need to take care of you and those babies. You will get through this.
I know how it feels like the end of the world and like your heart might just stop beating. But I promise you this, it gets better. It takes time, alot of time but if you keep working it, you will feel better. I promise.
I know how hard this is. His disease doesn't allow him to choose the family. It will always choose the addiction until he is ready to make the change. Having said that, all you can do is turn him over to his HP. Focus on you and your children. Enjoy the serenity instead of the chaos. It doesn't seem like it will get better, but it will and it does. Keep working your program. This is a healing program. We are always here for you. Much love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Stay strong, stay here, seek support and serenity through this programme. It does work, it will work, it takes time...heaps and heaps of time; one step at a time; one day at a time. Been there had the broken heart...now it is on the mend and I will share my love with you to help you get through this.
So sorry dear. Look after you and take real good care of you and the babies. They will be a comfort to you and your HP will be walking with you too.
Suzannah
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Out of the ruin of my past I have found the fortress of myself and I know how to defend it.
Strive for WISDOM; Seek SERENITY; NEVER compromise your INTEGRITY.
I hear you. My AHsober left and I have been devastated for three years. I still cry. The worst part is that he seems oblivious to the impact on our 3 grown sons. I still cry for them. But I am building a life without him. Have you read the Getting Them Sober books? They really explain the working of the disease.
Okay, once mine left, (other reasons that Ah because I didn't understand our problem then and didn't have alanon but it was of course related to the drinking) I was devastated like you...cried, etc. but deep down I knew this was not the life I wanted. Drinking every night and being emotionally distant etc.
The first second he indicated he would come back I welcomed it uncoditionally, matter of fact HE made a list of demands..(laughing at myself at the moment) anyway, I'm glad he's here. I love him I 'm just telling you this so maybe your devastation won't overule your common sense.
Think how good it will feel to be healthy, have good envorinment for your kids, show him you are strong, love him but love yourself and kids too. You have healthy boundries. Then if he wants to come back GREAT if not your all set to be healthy and happy anyway...
We will never be chosen over the drink, unless HP works a miracle, which he can but not if we get in the way. Don't mean to sound pushy just wish someone would have shared these thoughts with me at the time.
Take what you like leave the rest. Stay strong, you are valuable, cared for, smart, and you will be okay!!!
i am not sure its about how much they love us they are ill I see the pain in his face after he has let me down aagain the lack of self respect if i tell myself he does not love me it hurts so much I like to think he is ill andhe finds it easier to blame me than see his problems I can detach when I know he is ill and theres nothin I can do read my post no sign hugs
God I remember how that felt...having your my ripped out of my chest and then walked on. What a devastating metaphor for personal pain!! To have someone I invested so much of myself into do that drove me mad...insane. Until I leared that it was the alcoholic and her ism that were responsible not the wife I loved.
I had to learn the difference between my wife and my alcoholic. I had to learn the differences between how they walked and talked and felt. When I didn't know I couldn't understand and when I didn't understand I went crazy.
You are not alone. While your alcoholic has been unloving we have been loving you praying that you learn to love yourself as much and to recognize the love your HP has for you...constant and unconditional.
I went thru what she went thru when she came off of alcohol. We had different addictions and the same intensity. Her's was booze...Mine was her.
Sorry to hear your pain, but I'm afraid it's all part of the slow process of recovery - for both him AND you.... He isn't ready to admit that he is an alcoholic yet, but I'd be surprised whether he isn't paying a lot more attention to this latest development than he allows you to see.... That doesn't mean he's necessarily going to use it to his benefit, but I'm sure there are things churning inside him....
As for the "decision", your post is probably a great reminder for us all..... don't ask a question where we are not prepared to hear the answer for.... you gave him two options, and he chose one.... we cannot get away with our own expectations tied to these choices, where we are saying "you can do A or B, but you MUST do A".
He's doing what many/most active A's do.... he's running from accountability, and still choosing his addiction over anything and everything.... He's likely "more scared of sobriety" than he is of being a drunk right now....
Take care of you
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
I'm sorry... I know it's hard. It's hard to come second to a bottle. I did for so long. Now I'm first to me and I'm first to my kids and anyone I'm second place to is second place on my list too. maybe even 3rd or 4th or 5th... Number one is me and my kids interchangably as needed.
