Hi Nancy,

My first husband I marriad at 20 and divorced by mid twenties - maybe would end up an AH but at the time gambling, womanizer, thief and so many things I was not.  While trying to divorce him from several states away, he called hoping to get back together.  I asked about half of my questions about issues we needed to change or talk about and we both knew, it'd never work.  This charmer's next idea was, let's just stay marriad, live separately and meet in Vegas once a year to have some fun.  Did that ever strengthen my resolve to get out.  There were no kids, history or much time so it was easier then.

But still it is hard for me to understand how that would be a solution or a way to live.  Maybe for some it is ok but I don't get how they make it work.  Now it is a different set of situations after kids & history - I am ok today but have no idea how the future will play out.  Each of us at al anon/mip seems to find what we can do - I too learn so much from everyone here on MIP.  What a different approach to dating or finding friends based on the tools, knowledge gained from al anon.  Also, learning to keep reaching out to meet people or make friends because my support is quite small and I prefer to stay home too much.

One consistant thing for me I have become aware of through al anon is I can be one extreme, then swing to the opposite extreme and hopefully, I will find a midpoint on how or what ever I am thinking about.  It therefore seems to me that it is all about balance.  If I find I am staying home too much or too little, I need to work on the opposite approaches to bring myself into balance -- and this seems to apply to everything I do from stocking up on food to buying not much, to getting along or not with kids or AH.  Crazy how it's one way or another.  Maybe it is just a place where I am right now and maybe this makes no sense..... 

I'll be thinking of you finding some joy
for you this weekend and I will try too.  ODAT 

hugs, ddub

(((((((Nanc))))))))),

Limbo losses are so hard.  You are in; you are out.  I found them to be more painful than going through the loss itself.

I share this poem in support of you.
Maria

Limbo lossess often feel like this:

My life has fallen down

around me before

-- lots of times,

for lots of reasons --

usually other people.

And most of the time

I was fortunate enough

to have a large lump of

that life hit me on the

head and render me numb

to the pain and desolation

that followed.

And I survive.

And I live to love again.

But this,

this slow erosion from below

--or within--

it's me falling down around my life

because you're still in that life

--but not really.

And you're out of that life

--but not quite.

I do all right

alone,

and better

together,

but

I do very poorly

when

semi-

together.

In solitude

I do much,

in love,

I do more,

but 

in doubt

I only transfer

pain to paper

in gigantic Passion Plays

complete with miracles and martyrs

and crucifixions and ressurections.

Come to stay

or

stay away.

This series of passion poems

has become a heavy cross to bare.

Source:  How to Survive the Loss of a Love by Colgrove, Bloomfield & McWilliams