The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was called out(gently) at a meeting last night. I had shared a bit about feeling betrayed by someone and trouble I was having with someone who was, at one time, my biggest support. Anyway someone with only a few months in the program asked me, "With all your experience and so much more time in the program than me, why don't you have a better support system than that?"
I love that kind of thing. I love someone who is not afraid to ask the hard questions. I just kind of looked at her with that look. You know the one that says, "Duh, why don't I have better support than that?"
I mean our group is pretty small, just a few regular members. It's a small town. I am having trouble with a fellow member who really has tried to make it personal and I have done my best to resist this. Principles above personalities is a concept that I did not understand and now that I do, I seem to be getting a good lesson from HP about it.
But the problem for me is that I didn't have anyone to talk to about it. (I know, I know, you all are thinking, what are we chop liver?) But what I really wanted was someone to talk to f2f about it. I can't talk to any of my regular Al-Anon friends because in a small town everybody knows everybody. I DO NOT want to be gossiping about this person. I just want to be able to talk about my feelings in dealing with the situation.
So I guess my point is that I am going to try to further diversify my personal program by making more contacts this summer out of town. I plan to go to more meetings and maybe even some area functions.
And another thing I have learned is that no matter how long we are in this program, none of us is immune to the apathy that can jeopardize our program. Sometimes the people with weak programs offer us good growth opportunities.
Anyway, I just felt the need to get this out, so thanks for listening.
In recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
I also live in a very, very small town. I go to AA and try to lead Alanon here. I drive two hours to town to another meeting and unload alot there. However, I have been so much that I am become a regular and those personality things immerge there. Coming to the board here helps me unload. But I am learning that sometimes you have to give it to your HP who knows everybody and everything about everybody.
I live in a small town too, and struggled with one particular person at my regular meeting..... I had a wise old (online) sponsor who turned my "issue" into a great growth & learning challenge for me..... He basically turned it around, and challenged me to "learn one positive thing from that person each and every meeting"...... I was frustrated (with my sponsor), as he wasn't at this meeting and he couldn't see what a pain this particular member really was, lol..... So I tried his advice..... and listened to this member..... and learned lots from her...... To this day, there is something about our personalities that definitely clash, but I was able to learn that she had something to help ME in my recovery as well.... Since that day, I can honestly say that when I allow it, I can learn from literally everyone I interact with - and this is something that I did not know (or accept) a few short years ago.... This member definitely falls under that category that we speak to at meeting openings, where "you may not like all of us, but in time, you will learn to love us, as we already love you" (or something like that).
So for me, that negative turned into a positive......
Take care Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Tom, awesome idea: "find one positive thing about someone you have negative feelings about, each time you are in contact with them". Thanks for the tip- its a real winner. J.
Of course you and your sponsor are right. It is a huge learning and growth experience for me. I hate it, but am learning to let go of others even more, and even let go of my whole group. The group concience has to rule. I am getting a good lesson in doing my part to keep the group on track and leave it at that. I do not hold the reins here. I have to trust in everybody's recovery process to take the group where it needs to go, which right now looks like a new location as we are getting too much interference from the AA group and the church. It is a good group and I have to trust that it will survive if it is meant to.
Nancy- Thank you too. I know I am not the only one going through this all in a small town. I too am going to start driving almost 2 hours to a bigger town to attend meetings this summer as soon as I get a vehicle that will be reliable to make the trip regularly. I know getting out of our small bubble will help. It sure did help to get online with MIP. I have learned a lot about how the world of Al-Anon works as opposed to how things were done in my small town. A real eye opener and good illustration of why we use the traditions to keep our meetings running smooth.
Now if I can just let go of trying to get someone else to follow the traditions when she has no intention of doing so. i tell newcomers" we can't drag people kicking and screaming into recovery" Now if I can just follow my own mantra.LOL
In recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
