The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My ex AH ( of 15 yrs)told me tonight tht hes going to go to Tenn. to meet this woman hes been chattin w on line .Apparently hes been chatting w her for over a yr.So our divorce isnt even final and now he has a potential girlfriend ?!?!??!? OK..dont get me wrong, I want him out of my bedroom, but come on,, hes been chatting w this woman for a yr, and she knows everything .Oh and he says hes seen a pic of her , and she looks like me ,, huh ????!!!!! Im home , taking care of the kids, the house, my Mom, and hes free to go do his thing ? I work full time at a shelter for adults w alcohol and drug addictions. I also keep my sisters son after school so she can work nights.I havent even thought about going out to meet any one . And now ( youll love this ) Hes SOBER !!!!! uuughhhhhhhhh!!!! And hes unemployed, so I dont have any chid support coming in,,,,OOHHH Im angry , frustrated, feeling cheated, I cant even describe all the emotions I feel.Its like trying to grab tht gold ring on the merry go round.I almost got it then it was gone....... Dont get me wrong, I want him to be happy. I really do. But dang,,, why did he have to wait till now to do the right thing..???? Could this be a ploy, to get me to let him back,, is it more manipulation ?? Or am I over analizing again ?/? Someone please, help me sort this out....Im so very confused right now
If we are mature we can say that it is the disease of alcoholism and be on our merry way. If we are not quite there (me) then we tend to get into resentment and martyrdom. I say that to you because that what is said to me on this board. It is said to help us grow and not view ourselves as victims and figure out what we have a choice about. Hard I know. My AHSober is off on his merry way. He wants the divorce; he golfs; he goes dancing; treats me like crap. No thought about our grown sons and our family as it was. It hurts but I can't do anything except like tonight try to start a new as I want it. Hope this helps.
In my experience, when I stopped analyzing everything,I found serenity.
Hon my AH has a warm apt. food, a normal bathroom,no mud, a car, everything that the woman he is a parasite on,gives him.
I have a bunkhouse on the end of my barn,cannot use the living room as it leaks. I have a portipoddy. I don't have heat in the bathroom area so I am quite cold showering.
BUT I have serenity.I take care of me.HP is first with me. I do not have that horrible addiction disease. I don't feel guilty.
I invite you to keep coming back.do you have alanon lit? the daily readers are so cool.
We cannot ever figure anyone else out.never. that is what I learned and it set me free.It just does not matter to me what my AH does or has. There is no rationalizying insanity.
Our A's are insane.They sure are not sane.
Addiction is horrible. We are so fortunate even if we get nothing from them.
I guess when I used to obsess and feel angry it made me feel awful.so I stopped.same ole trick,say stop in my head and put in a picture of my purple wild irises.
It has really given me a new life to know what I cannot control,so I don't give it any energy.
My guess is you feel that way because......ready?......you're human. You put 15 yrs of time in wishing he'd get sober. Once it's over, your wish comes true. You are busting your butt working, being Mom, daughter and caretaker. He is unemployed and planning trips to see internet girlfriends. BTW, how does one afford to take trips when they can't pay child support? I think you have every right to be upset. It helps to stay on the correct side of the fence though until the frustration passes. In your situation, not beating him about the face and head is being on the correct side. So, if you look at it that way you're doing real well aren't you?
Christy
__________________
If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
In my experience, when I stopped analyzing everything,I found serenity.
I TOTALLY agree with this. Granted that it's much easier said than done, but it's absolutely true. Staying in their "stuff", wondering, wondering, wondering, wondering about the "whys" of a situation, thinking if we do this or that, that it will somehow have an effect on them, twisting and contorting ourselves to their whims - these are all crazy-making things. Trying to get logic and sense from a chaotic situation can make you nuts. You just stay on that wheel - running in circles.
OK - so he's sober today. Good. Great actually. I wish that all alcoholics could find sobriety. But the reality of his situation is still one of someone not in recovery. He's not meeting his child-support RESPONSIBILITIES and he's RUNNING to the next thing. An internet girlfriend? hmmmm.......wonder if she realizes what fun she's in for?
Keep focusing on you and your program. It sounds like you've got an awesome handle on things - all things considered. You've got a lot to be proud of yourself about. Pat yourself on the back and keep moving forward.
Hi Similar thing happened to me with my ex husband the Compulive gambler he went of left us homeles I was in uni working two kids . He had loads of money new older women . Then HP sorted him out he hit his rock bottom and do you know what I was not happy I helped him He is now turning his life around and I am a friend from a distance. My A is currently out of sight and mind and I am focusing on me. I went to f2f meeting last night THE TOPIC TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF I am not thinking of my ex husband or my A I am looking after me trying to be constructively selfish What do I want I need Only help people who help me are good for me. Your husbands life was not good and you parted he is still same person you know what the new girlfriend is getting do you want it back? Hope this helps be good 2 u
