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I have started to notice that I'm neglecting my physical needs, like not eating enough and even not going to the bathroom until it's absolutely necessary. I just kind of forget. The not eating is very bad for me (blood sugar issues), but it keeps happening. I'm not obsessing over food or exercising all the time, I'm just.... out of touch with my body's needs.
Wow, reading that statement, typing it, makes me wonder... am I totally crazy? Where is this coming from? Why am I doing this to myself? Now that I notice, I'm horrified!
The really wierd thing is that things ARE looking up. I'm becoming more aware of codependent and destructive behaviors and actively living and striving for positive change... and there's been change! For the better! Then I notice this and feel totally crazy and trapped by my own crazy.
I guess this is the "realizing what you CAN change" part of the Serenity Prayer, right? We have to see the symptoms before we can start to heal the disease? I don't know. I'm confused. Just hoping that somebody else out there understands this.
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"It's a job that's never started that takes the longest to finish."
~ J. R. R. Tolkien
Hello, yes I agree with you. You are becoming self aware.That is a good thing! I always said I knew when I was not paying attention to me because my eyebrows were all crazy. lol
Good for you for caring enough to see this.Also the disease teaches us to believe we are crazy. NO you are not,not at all.In fact it is so very healthy to take our own inventory.
Now you know to watch yourself,make sure you eat small meals all during the day. Drink plenty of water.
Isn't it strange how we take this as a bad thing?Part of the diseases fun is to break us down. Believe me you are too hard on yourself. Be good to you! Love,debilyn who wishes she could see something or feel an aha...
My sponsor often has to remind me: Al-Anon is not our lives, it just helps us live it.
I find I've been giving myself insomnia for the last month or so because my mind just keeps latching on and obsessing about the things I need to work on for myself.
So, if I'm not obsessing about my AH, then I'm obsessing about me.
You'd think that would be a good thing, but it's not. It wears me out pretty fast. I need to slow down and take it easy!!! I always hit the ground running when I work on something "new" in my life, and this is no different. I can't wait until I can get to a place where I can just chill out and let myself just "live", but live happily.
Hope you feel better. Just know you can cope with things a lot easier when you feed yourself properly and give your body adequate exercise.
My sponsor only ever told me that I had to do three things. During our first "official" meeting, she told that that by the time that we met again, I was to have made appointments with (1) the dentist; (2) my OB/GYN for my annual and (3) for a mammogram.
This was an important step in my recovery. First, I was able to accomplish something--no small feat at the time. Second, it helped me to take the focus off of my A if only for that short time--again, no small feat. Third, but I think most importantly, it enabled me to re-engage myself in self-care. Self-care is HUGE for Al-Anons. For me, I spent all of my time taking care of or worrying about my AH. I spent little or no time caring for myself--I had no time and I don't think I could have torn my focus away from him long enough to haver done it. I had dental insurance for years and NEVER used it. UGH!!
So, now I get my annual (and my mammogram) annually and I get my teeth cleaned every six months. I had surgery on my knee (full replacement) so that I can walk now--not only that, but I can work-out now. WOO HOO!! So, all those pounds that I kept on through emotional eating and for a variety of reasons....I am now addressing them and giving them away to anyone who needs or wants them. At first (like the A in early sobriety), it was ALL about me. Today (a day away from my 3rd Al-Anon birthday), I have found a balance and it is working for me, one day at a time.
Yours in recovery,
SLS
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Do not be anxious about tomorrow; tomorrow will look after itself. The Bible, from Courage to Change, p.138
I really struggle with this sutff. I am pretty sick at the moment with a sinus infection. I have to go to work since I have little money. I am miserable as hell.
I can barely scratch together to take care of my needs and the dogs needs.
I feel for you. At the same time I have stopped doing till I dropped for others so that is also progress for me.
LOL, the going to the bathroom part made me laugh because that is me, to a T! Its sooo funny, too. Sometimes when I finally do get up to go to the bathroom, I hear a part of myself saying: geesh! If only I did not need to do this!!!! Then I actually laugh out loud and gently hug myself and chuckle at how silly all this conversation is and that not so long ago I would not have been even been able to see it with any hunor, much less see it at all! Be glad you can notice, its a sign of healing, like when a cut starts to get a little itchy. Hugs, J.
I just had to chuckle over this. An al-Anon friend and I just had a discusion about this very thing a few weeks ago. She and I both get so wrapped up in stuff we forget to visit the bathroom. I would think "maybe I should go see a doctor about this" cause I'd get up to use the bathroom and barely make it without an accident. It took me awhile to realise that I was not responding to my own body until it was hollering at me.LOL
Easy does it. It gets better.
In recovery,
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~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
UGH!!
At first (like the A in early sobriety), it was ALL about me. Today (a day away from my 3rd Al-Anon birthday), I have found a balance and it is working for me, one day at a time.