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My head is so confused one minute I think love yourself get out of this relationship everyone around me who loves me is getting really fed up they are upset watching me not get my needs met and be so down its just not me But then he comes and tells me he loves me hugs me begs me he just does somethin to me I really want everythin to be o.k but its not I love him so much people ask me why and I just carn,t put my finger on it But I am so unhappy alot of the time really high one minute then in the depths of despair the next I know only I can make the changes the decisions Its just so hard when all I want is to be happy with him its my dream but that is what it is a dream in reality its crap he keeps hurting me letting me down really feel like I am loosing it been through so much. if in doubt do nowt think I will tell him I need a break that is not as final will give me space to get some sanity back and a clear mind. My ex husband the compulsive gambler hit his rock bottom b4 xmas. He now realises what he has lost and is begging me back why does my life have to be so complicated sorry for all this self pity Iknow in my head that i need them all to leave me alone but i dont want to be alone I just want Mark to carry out his promises and stop drinking and give me the love I deserve.
The hardest thing for me to come to terms with is that happiness is an inside job. Anything extra that comes along like the love of a spouse or child...well, that's just the icing on the cake.
Till I learned to love myself, I was just a bottomless pit, and no one on this earth could have filled that hole.
I understand the being torn, the being pulled back to him because he says all the things you want to hear.
((((hugs))))
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"If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience." - Woodrow Wilson
Living in the same boat as you but it is so much easier to see it in someone else. At least now I/ we know in our heads we should love ourselves first... when we get this message to our hearts then we will either do what is necessary to insist on change or love ourselves enough to let them go. ??? Or perhaps when we focus on loving ourselves it will all make sense in some other way. Only HP knows!
Just letting you know I identify with you and I care!!
Hi Tracy, I have read several of your posts and I feel I could have written them myself! You are not alone!! It is so frustrating, sad, confusing, you name it. My AH will disappear for several days at a time. Today I opened a credit card bill of his and about threw up at the amount of money he spends drinking. It's so disgusting. I finally broke down and told my family this weekend. Boy is that hard! I know they mean well, but in some ways it doesn't help when they ask questions. Not sure if you have kids or not. We haved 3 and it kills me that someone can do this to themselves while 3 little kids are in the picture. Let me know if you want to talk, our stories seem quite similar!
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Sometimes it's not about making it through the storm, it's about learning how to dance in the rain.
I hear you. You really have to give the disease alot of credit for what they say. They are desparate people. My AHsober left 3 years ago. He still says the right thing at the right time. People ask me all the time - oh, you are still married? I thought you divorced him. I get very little out of this relationship. You just hope that they will turn around and see you. If I could divorce him I think I would have by now. I work my recovery program, work on self sufficiency and self love, work at not tolerating the crap, and ask my higher power what to do almost every day. Yes, and I am learning to give myself what I will never get from him.
It's NUTS I stay! I must enjoy this confusion on some level? I stayed in my last marriage about 14.99 years after I knew I made a mistake (15 yr marriage) And to be honest I saw huge red flags from week 2 with this relationship... I think I need to think about why I stay instead of what he does or does not do! Think it has something to do with thinking if I'm good enough someone will love me and if they love me they will do what is needed to make relationship work. Which on one level sounds nuts (expectations) and on another level if someone loves you they do, "step up" to a reasonable extent do things to make relationship work.
It's hot in my house this morning cuz a/c is out (BF was told long time ago he needed to do basic maintenance or it would go out, he won't even change a filter, although he mentions it often... and now it's hot and who knows how much money this will be)
Tracy Mine wsnt tht I needed to love myself. Mine was tht I loved my children more thn my AH of 15 yrs.After my AH returned from 2 months in rehab, he started drinking as soon as he got in the door .My 8 yr old son and I watched Daddy crawl on the floor b/c he ws too drunk to walk. Ill never forget my son asking me whats wrong w Daddy ,and I told him "your Dad is sick ". My perfect little boy says in his smallest voice , "will he ever get better ?". I knew thn that my AH would never get better. I also knew tht the love I had for him , wasnt deep. I realized tht all I felt for him was pity and tht somewhere Id decided tht I "needed " to take care of this man. And I was. Im learning to take care of me now. I realized way before the divorce tht I had lost me. My house doesnt have to be perfect or the food doesnt have to be gourmet to over compensate for the drunk in the middle of my living room.And I realized tht is what I did. My house is alittle dirtier,the kids and I dont have such a rigid schedule, and Im learning to relax. If you feel you are unhappy, tht is your inner voice telling you, tht you arent happy. Hugs Midget
I have always run from one relationship to the next and felt horribly alone in between time. This stint with codependency is helping me very much. I would rush into a relationship but I know I cannot do it anymore. I really question and wait around a lot before commiting which means in essence I don't get too far with dating.
I can relate to what you say very much. I have to say the tools were what helped me pull out of the rut. I did a plan b, that helped. I detached that helped a lot. I came here and posted all the time. I do not post as much (on my stuff) but I do reply to a lot of posts. I keep focusing on what I need to do minus the relationship.
