The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have recently been going out on some very casual dates with some very nice men. Its been so simple and positive. It has helped me SO MUCH to see some things about my recovery, too, which I think others have mentioned here before but I just wanted to underline.
By letting go of control, in a way, I feel much more in control because its HP's control!
When HP is the center of my universe, everything else pales in comparison. Going out and having fun is nice but its not THE MOST IMPORTANT THING. Being loved by others is wonderful but its NOT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING! Doing well in college is all good but ITS NOT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING. Getting the job of your dream is fabulous but its NOT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING. Meeting the man of my dreams is wonderful but ITS NOT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING. It goes on and on...
When the position of MOST IMPORTANT THING is filled 100% 24/7 by HP, there is not any room for anything else in there (thank god!). Everything else gets tacked down a few rungs. This lowers expectations, lets me feel ALOT free-er with more room to examine and make choices. It takes so much pressure off. There is more humor and ease, as a result. everyone relaxes.
Dang, I wish I would have figured this out about zillion years ago but its all about practice, not perfection.
All those years of placing men higher than HP, jobs higher than HP, grades, etc. higher than HP. Nothing is higher than HP now and directly below HP is ME!!! So its HP, me and then all the rest.
I am such a grateful member of this program, thank you all for being here because you help me so much with my recovery. Hugs, J.
What a wonderful perspective, Jean. I'm not there yet - but am steady working at it. Thanks for letting me know that there's light at the other end of this tunnel.
Jean4444 wrote:When the position of MOST IMPORTANT THING is filled 100% 24/7 by HP, there is not any room for anything else in there (thank god!). Everything else gets tacked down a few rungs. This lowers expectations, lets me feel ALOT free-er with more room to examine and make choices. It takes so much pressure off. There is more humor and ease, as a result. everyone relaxes.
Oh my! Did I ever smile reading your post, Jean! I even got goosebumps! Look at those words, 'humor', 'ease', and 'relaxes'. Wowzah, did you ever see that being a part of your life not so long ago?
I recall those days where it seemed no matter where I went, there were couples smiling, talking, holding hands, and my heart would ache. I still hadn't 'gotten it' that my HP will always be there for me, that happiness was an inside job, and as long as I placed my life in his hands, it would be okay.
Because I have finally learned to put my HP at the top of the list, I am finally finishing college, I am able to let go of my second alcoholic daughter, and I am finally able to embrace life fully and be grateful.
Thank you for such a powerful share, Jean (((hugs)))
__________________
"If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience." - Woodrow Wilson
For me it was my abandonment issues that made the relationship so important. I went to therapy for years and years and the abandonment issues never really went down. Al anon and learning detachment has helped me with that more than ever. Now a relationship is not that important, the relationship with myself is the most important thing and with my HP too of course
I needed that reminder.It is sooo empty looking for our needs to be met in other people,isn't it? People have their own agendas and lives.It's nice to be part of that but it can't be my only life. I like the idea of HP,me,then the rest.I think I will put a sticky up with that on it to remind me. Thanks so much.
I even got goosebumps! Look at those words, 'humor', 'ease', and 'relaxes'. Wowzah, did you ever see that being a part of your life not so long ago?