The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have come to a stage in my recovery where I am beginning to feel comfortable with myself, which is wonderful and I therefore want to run some of my conclusions passed you. I hope you will not mind, and I would value your feed back, especially if any of the things I say resonnates with you.
Having discovered that fear and embarrassment have followed me into my adulthood I acknowledge that timidity has let me down on more ocassions than once. However, as I am building up Self-Worth I am beginning to consider being more assertive about the things I hold dear to me.
By that I mean that I will now hold an opinion about something, and after talking with others I am no longer afraid to give my opinion and reasons for holding that opinion instead of practising my old habit of rejectioning my own opinion if it was different to another persons.
Finding that I value myself has resulted in others finding value in me too, and that is an amazingly gratifying and affirming place to be. It has taught me to think about myself, consider others opinions objectively and subjectively give me a position in life. It has even made me humble and excited enough to look at myself for WHO I am without encouraging me to be selfish and that I really like.
I am working on my attitudes and beginning to look at how I present myself to others without FEAR!
All this has been quite a revelation to me, I no longer feel that I have nothing to offer the world and realise that I have a responsibility to play my part in the world, even if I do feel I am 'not up to the job' it is better that I attempt it rather than run away from it.
What has been your experience?
Suzannah
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Out of the ruin of my past I have found the fortress of myself and I know how to defend it.
Strive for WISDOM; Seek SERENITY; NEVER compromise your INTEGRITY.
Oh man! Holding on to my opinion was always so hard for me too. Now, inside, my opinion about a topic might not really change, but whatever the opinion of the person I was with was I would at my most compromising of my own thought totally agree with them or at the least, I would not state my opinion and offer no rebuttal and thereby my tacit agreement.
On the other side of the coin if I were "leading" a conversation I would come down hard on "my" side only to cave when presented with an opposing viewpoint when I was through with my point.
I guess where I am now, is trying to be sure I have a "real" opinion on something that is founded on my ideals, principals and morals. I can present this to someone else, without the idea that I am gonna win them over to my way of thinking, but with the action maintain my integrity to myself.
I also try to rein myself in when I "go off" on a rabid rant about something, knowing that it is only my opinion and that no amount of effort on my part will likely result in changing someone else's point of view.
I also like to remain open to change and not get caught up in "I am right and you are wrong thinking" by actually listening to another's point of view. And weighing that against what I currently think/believe. And leaving the possibility that they may be right open. Not just immediately jumping over to "their side" in a effort to avoid conflict or the perceived loss of friendship or worry that someone might not like me.
Thanks for posting, have a great evening my friend!!!
The Alateens were selling tee-shirts at the Mass Conference recently and I loved the tee shirt, very simply, yet profoundly put. That saying struck me as I read your post.
Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
I think I gave plenty to the world in the past but it was usually in invisibility roles. I felt chronic self doubt all the time. Now I don't feel doubt but I often feel overwhelm.
I'm open to changing my opinion. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. However these days I come down much quicker if I don't get reciprocity.
Your post has got me thinking about the pattern of thought I have that says "if someone else doesn't agree with me then my opinion doesn't count". I have been caught in that feeling of having to change someones mind many times. Thankfully I can identify it nowadays and I know it is fruitless to spend my energy that way. But most important, I am now able to remind myself that their opinion doesn't invalidate my opinion.
Thank you for sharing this with us. It is something I needed to think about more.
In recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
