The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm doing it again. Whenever things are getting good I sabatage it. I start wanting to isolate. I start wanting to withdrawl into a little cacoon because I am afraid. Afraid of what you may ask? The only thing I can think of is being vulnerable. Afraid because I am not hiding under guilt and shame I have carried for so long for just being me. Risking, but risking what I am not sure? I think I'm afraid of risking not being good enough because there have been people who have ingrained that message into me in the past. Having said that. I know the only 2 I need to be good enough for is me and God and I know that what other human beings think about me is none of my business. As long as I'm doing my best then I shouldn't succomb to my fears because they may not be true so I'm worrying for nothing.
It's so true, when you worry about tomorrow, you are robbing yourself of this one day, this beautiful day ahead of us.
Yet I understand how fear is a major barrier. Have you tried just asking your HP to remove your fear each time you stumble on one? I know it works for me.
yours in recovery, Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
For me, I think I was conditioned to fear the "other shoe" dropping. When things were good, I just knew that shoes come in pairs so the other one was bound to be hitting me in the head sooner or later. That fear robbed me of the joy that was right there in front of me. With the help of this program I learned that the other shoe is going to drop and I could live in fear of it constantly or I could just go on about my life.
I don't know if this is what you were speaking of, but the fear piece seemed so familiar to me! TWYLALTR!!
ss, what a powerful and honest post. I can so relate and you articulated it really well. I am also afraid of self-sabotage- really afraid of it but that precise fear is what becomes the slippery slope sometimes. I need to watch myself. But I am so thankful that you brought this up because its exactly where I am too. Thank you for voicing what I was feeling underneath it all- Hugs, J.
