The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I think my HP must have felt I was ready for this...
Left my Al-anon meeting tonight, wanted to stop at the store to pick up some more soy milk. Tried calling AH twice to see if he wanted anything from the store but never got through.
Came home, and there he is, passed out on the couch with an empty beer bottle next to him and another couple empty bottles in the kitchen. This is the first he's drank in the open like that in front of me since his suicide attempt in January - or maybe the first he passed out before he could hide the bottles... whatever.
I'm just proud of myself, because I caught my knee-jerk feeling of anger well up in me and immediately put it to a halt the moment I recognized it.
He already admitted to me he was drinking "maybe a drink or two here or there after work" - that was last weekend he told me - even then, I didn't flip (internally I did, but I called my sponsor and did some meditating after).
Then most of this week, I could tell he was trying not to drink because he was just extremely IRRITABLE. (And he snores when he's been drinking, and no snoring the last few nights.) But, I immediately accepted that he'd go back to drinking because I just didn't see it possibly working without his having a program like AA to back it up.
So tonight's scene was not a shocking, heart-breaking surprise.
I've just accepted that this is who he just "is". And that's why I'm happy. No dramatics, screaming, cold shoulders, etc out of me over finding him passed out with beer bottles around. I've maintained my serenity in the face of something that would have had me upset beyond reconcile just a few months ago.
THANK YOU, to my brother-in-law, for that phone call we had a while ago. He pushed me in the right direction with the advice to hit several meetings and get a sponsor.
And thanks to my Higher Power.
"It works if you work it, so work it 'cause you're worth it!"
Thanks Aloha for showing us that it can be done. I have been using HALT alot lately. Yesterday I figured out that I was angry. The day before I was tired and hungry. Skills from Alanon. Way to pull yourself out of your AH's crap.
It is horrible to come to realizations about our loved A's. Thank goodness for your bil.
It will get you to serenity to go to meetings, come here, read literature. One day at a time, Courage to Change are very helpful daily readers. Cal approved.
Another though not an alanon book, that helps many is,Getting them sober.
Hon after so many years of alanon,it has helped me so much. however becuz my very much loved one is so sick, is not in my life,I still get bouts of missing the man I married.
your strength gives me courage and I want to thank you for sharing this.