The material presented
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He is craving beer and eating and drinking as much suger as possible. He is a little cranky and has woken up feeling like he is "hung over".
He has said he can go without beer but as soon as he has a taste he cant stop and yet still insists he doesnt have a problem.
I have had a lovely 5 days. He has been loving and caring. Helped with the children more.
But I know this sounds terrible but I am just waiting for it to go belly up.
Week end is coming, football is on. This will be his biggest challenge. He has been warned if a drop of beer touches his lips he is going to his mums, weather he leaves willingly or weather i have him removed. He knows he is on a very fine line.
I wish you good luck on this. I had no luck at all in ultimatums. The A did what he wanted, he'd hide stuff but basically he did what he wanted until he didn't want to. That is the nature of his compulsivity.
I wish you good luck on this. I had no luck at all in ultimatums. The A did what he wanted, he'd hide stuff but basically he did what he wanted until he didn't want to. That is the nature of his compulsivity.
Maresie.
Same here, Maresie. My ex-AH would quit the whiskey and the drugs for a few days, but always went back to it. I would believe him every time he said he was quitting.
Now that I have been in recovery from my own alcoholism/addictions, I realize that the drinking wasn't the problem; it was just a symptom.
I understand why just not drinking isn't enough.
It's a valid feeling to wait for the 'inevitable' when nothing else is in place for true recovery for the alcoholic.
If nothing changes, nothing changes.
It was also painful to apply that concept to my youngest daughter recently :(
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"If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience." - Woodrow Wilson
My AH apparently hasn't been drinking the last few days, too... but without his actually having a program to work to assist with his sobriety, I realistically don't foresee his sobriety lasting long at all. I'm sure he'll go back at some point in time or another. He hasn't reached a bottom yet where he realizes that he just CAN'T do it alone, where he's broken down enough to actually really desire help.
He's a very prideful man, which blocks his realizing it's okay to have help with these kinds of things.
In any case, knowing that he'll likely go back is actually what keeps my serenity in tact.
I know... that sounds crazy. "WHAT? You're serene in knowing he'll probably go back to drinking?"
Why my knowing this keeps my serenity in tact is because it saves me from falling into worry and obsession. It's acceptance for what just "is" in my life. If I can't accept it, then I'll battle it, and battling it only leads me down the path of stress and frustration.
If I want to stay with my AH, that means I need to accept him for who he is, drinking problems and all. If I can't accept who he is, then I need to leave.
SOrry, mumto, but ultimata are not the answer. An A is going to do what an A does...drink. No matter how we beg, cajole, cry, threaten, or hope, we have no control over their behavior. We can set boundaries if we are willing to stick to them, but that's about all. Of course I do wish you both well.
I hope his 5 days turn into ten, then 20, then 50, then 365, then 1,000, and then forever.
With great caring,
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
What about getting yourself to an f2f while he's able to spend a couple of hours with the kids?
On the subject of fear of asking for a sponsor - a couple of things that helped me were, if they're able to do it, they WON'T say no. And if they're not able to do it, it just means hp has somebody else in mind.
It turns out asking for the help is part of the recovery. I can't tell you WHEN you will get there - but you will get there.
